IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

I DISAGREE Nowadays, football is the most popular game in the world. We can find there are many different teams who plays
this
Linking Words
 football. There
are dividing
Suggestion
are divided
 into 3
Use synonyms
division
Suggestion
divisions
:
division
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
,
division
Use synonyms
two
Use synonyms
 and
division
Use synonyms
 three. Each
divisions
Suggestion
division
have
Suggestion
has
 different skills. The skills that they have are depend on the manager. He is the
one
Use synonyms
 who
teachs
impart skills or knowledge to
teaches
teach
touches
 the player how to play. By playing football, there are many advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the team can earn a
lot
Use synonyms
. If we compare the income in
division
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
 and
division
Use synonyms
two
Use synonyms
 are really different. The
division
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
 will get more than
division
Use synonyms
two
Use synonyms
.
Because as
Accept comma addition
Because, as
 we know, the team in
division
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
, they
shows
Suggestion
show
 to the people that they are able to play better than the others.
For example
Linking Words
: David Beckham (the player of
Manchaster
a city in northwestern England (30 miles to the east of Liverpool); heart of the most densely populated area of England
Manchester
 United). He can earn for about £45.000 £50.000/week. It’s unbelievable. Even the prime minister in the UK just got for about£11O.OOO/
year
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can get a
lot
Use synonyms
 of spectators which makes the income increased. In
one
Use synonyms
 match, they can earn for about 20 or 30 million pounds. Actually, it’s really high. For
one
Use synonyms
 ticket (VIP) it can cost us a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money. I think for about £100 or over.
That is
Linking Words
 for
one
Use synonyms
 person. How if we count for a million person? There are
also
Linking Words
 many disadvantages: like from the task which says that the releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. Actually, I don’t really agree about that: like 2 weeks or 3 weeks ago, there are 2 fans of Leeds United got shots. And it makes them died. Many people come and give them flowers and
also
Linking Words
 the clothes which
shown they
Accept comma addition
shown, they
’re sad about that. There are other sport games like tennis. Tennis is
also
Linking Words
 popular. In playing tennis there are
also
Linking Words
 have advantages and disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
games
Suggestion
game
 shows how they against each other. The advantages are can earn a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money, can attract the spectators (audience). There are
also
Linking Words
 have disadvantages of
Linking Words
this games
Suggestion
this game
these games
,
for example
Linking Words
:
two
Use synonyms
 years ago, when Monica Sales and Steffi Graph are on the match. They play against each
other
Suggestion
other, then one
then
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 of the Steffi’s
fan
Suggestion
fans
 can’t stand anymore, he killed (shots) Monica Sales. That makes Monica Sales have to stop the game. The people are all thinking to take her to the hospital. Because of that, it makes Monica Sales stopped from playing tennis for about a
year
Use synonyms
. But
now
Suggestion
Now
, she has started again. In my opinion, these
sport
Suggestion
sports
 can ease the international tensions and
also
Linking Words
 can
makedeath
Suggestion
make death
 from
year
Use synonyms
 to
year
Use synonyms
 become increase. So, it is very dangerous.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: