IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent so you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
It is often argued that preventing health issues and diseases is better than treating them and
hence
 the
government
 should allocate
appropriate budget
Suggestion
appropriate budgets
 for it. I completely agree with
this
 view as it will help maintain a healthy lifestyle and save
money
 on medical expenses in the future. Better still, a healthy population is happier and more productive.
Firstly
, if the
government
 spends more
money
 on promoting
prevention
 methods it can encourage people to live a good and stress free life.
In other words
, if a person wants to live a healthy life he needs to prevent himself from indulging in bad habits
such
 as eating fast food etc.
However
, individual efforts alone will not help. The
government
 should
also
 invest in highlighting the benefits of a healthy lifestyle by launching health awareness campaigns.
Secondly
, if the
government
 gives more importance towards highlighting benefits of
prevention
 it can help people save a lot of
money
 on medical expenses.
This
 is because by taking
prevention
 measures people will not fall ill,
thus
 saving
money
 which would
otherwise
 have been spent on medical treatment.
For example
, there has been a 10 percent reduction in the sale of cigarettes in India, after the Indian
government
 launched a campaign highlighting the health consequences of smoking at all major bus and train stations.
This
 has helped people save
money which
Accept comma addition
money, which
otherwise
 could have gone into treating illnesses related to smoking. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
authorities
Suggestion
the authorities
 should spend more on encouraging
prevention
 as it will help people to stay healthy save
money
 on medical bills.
Submitted by manikchy86 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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