IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

1- Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and your opinion

#films #computer #games #violence #people #effect #society #points
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Generally people watch movies or play computer games for either
divertion
an activity that diverts or amuses or stimulates
diversion
 or relaxation. But from the past few years we can see that the younger generation is getting more attracted to games or movies which include violence. Though
this
Linking Words
 is a boon for the video game developing companies where they can launch more action games and increase their profits but it is a bane
for
Suggestion
to
 the society. In olden days children used to play more outdoor games and they are physically and mentally fit but these days the children are addicted to video games and televisions which makes them
lathergic
deficient in alertness or activity
lethargic
 and these days computer games and films are designing games which
encourages
Suggestion
encourage
 violence which
definetly
without question and beyond doubt
definitely
 creates
negative psychological effect
Suggestion
a negative psychological effect
 the people and
also
Linking Words
 very
dsadavantageous
Suggestion
 to the society
.
Accept space
.
 These games encourage activities
such
Linking Words
 as murders
,
Accept space
,
smuggling
,
Accept space
,
robbery etc. According to those games doing
such
Linking Words
 activities makes the protagonist hero
.
Accept space
.
but
Suggestion
But
 if they try that in real
life it
Accept comma addition
life, it
is very harmful the
Suggestion
is very harmful to the
 society. Well to think about the positive points in these films and games
are
Suggestion
is
 that people can know the names of different weapons
,
Accept space
,
their uses
etc
continuing in the same way
etc.
 Other than
this
Linking Words
 there is nothing positive about them. They
cant
can not
can't
 be considered as a source of relaxation. To recapitulate, According to my opinion the negative effect
over weights
usually describes a large person who is fat but has a large frame to carry it
overweights
 the positive
effect so
Accept comma addition
effect, so
such
Linking Words
 games and movies must be banned. And movies which encourage humanity must be designed.
Submitted by niveditac98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: