IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that money is the major source of happiness in life. do you strongly agree or disagree?

#people #money #source #happiness #life
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Owing to the fact that there is a growing trend in the level of obesity in the society, some people believe that the increment in the cost of fatty foods will eradicate the problem. In my opinion, I totally disagree because I believe that there are other factors
such
 as genetic, way of life and
nature
 of
work
 that are
also
 responsible and by all the other factors are addressed, the dilemma will not be resolved.
To begin
 with, there is a school of thought that believed that if fatness runs in the family, reducing fatty food intake will not curb the situation.
However
, medical advice has been given to
such
 families to observe regular exercises and to be careful of what they consume.
For instance
, in a family where grandparents and all the children are obese, they will be put on certain diets which will mainly consist of vegetables. Another reason to consider is the
nature
 of
work
 an individual does. Research has proven that some
work
 which are sedimentary are major causes of overweight
Hence
,
such
 employees are advised to take frequent breaks by talking a walk so as to control
this
.
For instance
, cashier in a bank sits for a long period due to the
nature
 of
work
. In conclusion, even though consumption of fatty foods is one of the major causes of obesity, other factors
such
 as hereditary and
work
nature
 are
also
 responsible and until all the factors are taken care of
problem
Suggestion
the problem
 will not be resolved.
Submitted by folorunso_adetayo on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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