IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that secondary or high school student should be taught how to use money management as a it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #school #student #money #management #life #skill
Financial
management
 should taught by everyone for the better stability of life. In
this
 essay, I can explain the viewpoints of learning the importance of
money
management
 in
school
 days. I strongly agree to
this
 statement, because the children can develop their skills in managing the
money
 on their childhood onwards.
Firstly in
Accept comma addition
Firstly, in
 the
school
 life, we
are only taught
Suggestion
only teach
 about the subjects like mathematics, science, languages etc. We are not assisted to give any importance to the financial
management
 in our
school
 life. I believe that it is very essential to study about how to save and spend
money
 in
proper way
Suggestion
a proper way
, because children do not know the effort of earning
money
.
As a result
this
 will lead to children spend more
money
in
Suggestion
on
 entertainment and fun activities
such
 as usage of drugs, cigarettes, gambling etc.
Secondly
, I prefer to practice the students to save the
money
 from their
school
 days.
For instance
, in my
school I
Accept comma addition
school, I
 had a recurring account for saving a fixed
money
 by monthly, which increased my saving mentality.
Thus
, these Kind of activities will develop the financial secured mentality in the future generation.
Furthermore
, saving
money
 for donating to educate the poor people and charity purpose could make a difference in youngsters.
Thus
, it can mould our
next
 generation into a financial managed society
.
Accept space
.
 In conclusion, In my opinion learning to spend
money
 wisely is important for everyone. Because
money
 is a limited resource which people should learn to use more efficiently. So the secondary or high
school
 students should be given the knowledge of financial
management
.
Submitted by hainiz91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: