IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Human society has made great technological progress in the last hundred years. Some people think this also has negative effects on our life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most
people
Use synonyms
 will agree that the improvement of
people
Use synonyms
’s living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 owes to technological advancement.
However
Linking Words
, there are some
people
Use synonyms
 who argue that
this
Linking Words
 development has
also
Linking Words
 brought about unwanted problems that affect human
life
Use synonyms
 negatively. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because the positive effects of technological development far outweigh its drawbacks. It is true that there are a couple of problems generated from hi-tech. First of all, smart
devices
Use synonyms
 make
people
Use synonyms
 lazy because
such
Linking Words
 machines limit a user’s physical activities. Since those
devices
Use synonyms
process
Check wording
apply
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 for owners and
thus
Linking Words
 users rely too much on
those
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
people
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 are less likely to get up and move around, which could cause health concerns
such
Linking Words
 as
obese
Replace the word
obesity
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 or diabetes.
In addition
Linking Words
, automation systems and robots have replaced
work forces
Use the right word
workforces
show examples
. Since machines are
much
Rephrase
more
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 productive than
people
Use synonyms
 when it comes to processing simple and repetitive
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, labour forces in many industries have been replaced with them, leaving
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 increase in unemployment rates.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there is no doubt that technological progress has amazingly enhanced the quality of human
life
Use synonyms
. First of all, electronic household
devices
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 have enabled individuals to save their hefty amount of time and effort on doing hard and tedious household tasks, as
such
Linking Words
 intelligent
devices
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 clean the houses, wash dishes and wash clothes for owners.
In addition
Linking Words
, smart machines have significantly enhanced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity in
work places
Use the right word
workplaces
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
enable
Wrong verb form
enabled
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to carry out dangerous but helpful
for
Correct word order
tasks for
show examples
 human progress tasks
such
Linking Words
 as space exploration. Working in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 harsh environment could pose a threat to a worker’s
life
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 robots allow
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve those tasks without any casualties.  In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 peripheral effects are fabricated from the advancement of technology, it has brought about more advantages
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human
life
Use synonyms

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Task Response
The essay presents a clear opinion but could benefit from deeper exploration of counterarguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects smoothly to the next.
Task Response
Use more specific examples to support claims, such as statistics or real-life examples related to technology.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review grammar and sentence structure for clarity and flow to enhance reading experience.
Task Response
The essay effectively outlines both sides of the argument in a clear manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of transition words, which helps in guiding the reader through the points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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