IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some people argue that children should have the freedom to choose their own things which they will eat
,
Accept space
,
wear
,
Accept space
,
read
,
Accept space
,
play
,
Accept space
,
watch and so on.
others
Suggestion
Others
 say
,
Accept space
,
parents should not
priority on
Accept comma addition
priority, on
 Children's desire because if they always follow children’s choices one day they will become selfish.In my opinion
,
Accept space
,
parents should focus on children's choices so that they can think of themselves as independent. But parents need to keep balance.
Body paragraph 1
It is important for children to make their own choices.
in
Suggestion
In
this
Linking Words
 way they will be Self-reliant and independent.
if
Suggestion
If
 a
children
Suggestion
child
 can decide his
choices it
Accept comma addition
choices, it
 is
prove
Suggestion
proven
proved
 that he has an extra skill
on
Suggestion
at
in
 taking decision fast.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
a
child
Use synonyms
 who knows what he
wants he
Accept comma addition
wants, he
 is more likely to be successful.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
always letting children
to make
Suggestion
make
 their choices on their
own it
Accept comma addition
own, it
 is increased chances of becoming selfish.
Linking Words
for
Suggestion
For
 example
,
Accept space
,
my cousin
,
Accept space
,
she is 6 years old
,
Accept space
,
she
always like
Suggestion
always likes
 to watch
cartoon
Suggestion
cartoons
.
she
Suggestion
She
 does not think whether
others
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 family members like or not.If
she
of a female
her
 growing up with
this
Linking Words
 trend
,
Accept space
,
it will definitely impact on his career.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
if a
child
Use synonyms
always demand
Suggestion
always demands
 high too expensive things when
this
Linking Words
child
Use synonyms
 will be adults she or he
can not
can not
cannot
 change his/her habit.
Body paragraph 3
In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
although
Linking Words
 it is vital to give a chance to children to make their choices regarding their future but it should be balanced.
Linking Words
Also parents
Accept comma addition
Also, parents
 should ensure that children are being to learn to respect others choice.
Body paragraph 4
(265 words
)
Accept space
)
S
Body paragraph 5
ome
Suggestion
Some
Ome
 people argue that children should have the freedom to choose their own things which they will eat
,
Accept space
,
wear
,
Accept space
,
read
,
Accept space
,
play
,
Accept space
,
watch and so on.
others
Suggestion
Others
 say
,
Accept space
,
parents should not
priority on
Accept comma addition
priority, on
 Children's desire because if they always follow children’s choices one day they will become selfish.In my opinion
,
Accept space
,
parents should focus on children's choices so that they can think of themselves as independent. But parents need to keep balance.
Body paragraph 6
It is important for children to make their own choices.
in
Suggestion
In
this
Linking Words
 way they will be Self-reliant and independent.
if
Suggestion
If
 a
children
Suggestion
child
 can decide his
choices it
Accept comma addition
choices, it
 is
prove
Suggestion
proven
proved
 that he has an extra skill
on
Suggestion
at
in
 taking decision fast.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
a
child
Use synonyms
 who knows what he
wants he
Accept comma addition
wants, he
 is more likely to be successful.
Body paragraph 7
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
always letting children
to make
Suggestion
make
 their choices on their
own it
Accept comma addition
own, it
 is increased chances of becoming selfish.
Linking Words
for
Suggestion
For
 example
,
Accept space
,
my cousin
,
Accept space
,
she is 6 years old
,
Accept space
,
she
always like
Suggestion
always likes
 to watch
cartoon
Suggestion
cartoons
.
she
Suggestion
She
 does not think whether
others
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 family members like or not.If
she
of a female
her
 growing up with
this
Linking Words
 trend
,
Accept space
,
it will definitely impact on his career.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
if a
child
Use synonyms
always demand
Suggestion
always demands
 high too expensive things when
this
Linking Words
child
Use synonyms
 will be adults she or he
can not
can not
cannot
 change his/her habit.
Body paragraph 8
In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
although
Linking Words
 it is vital to give a chance to children to make their choices regarding their future but it should be balanced.
Linking Words
Also parents
Accept comma addition
Also, parents
 should ensure that children are being to learn to respect others choice.
Conclusion
(265 words)

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: