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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. Summarise the information by choosing and describe the main idea, and make comparisons where appropriate.

The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. Summarise the information by choosing and describe the main idea, and make comparisons where appropriate.
#information #employment #rates #countries #summarise #idea #comparisons
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The graph illustrates the
employment
Use synonyms
rate
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 of
both
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 genders in six
countries
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 in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1995 and 2005. (18)
Overall
Linking Words
, the
employment
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rate
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 was the highest for
males
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 in 2005 and the lowest for
females
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 in 1995 in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
six
countries
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. In comparison, the highest number of
males
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 was on job in Iceland, at 70% in 1995 and 83% in 2005. The same figure was slightly low for
males
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 in Switzerland in
both
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 years.
However
Linking Words
, for
females
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, the
employment
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rate
Use synonyms
 increased to around 10% in 2005 in these two
countries
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of employed men in Australia and New Zealand was dramatically high in
both
Use synonyms
 years than women which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 approximately 27% in 1995 and around 40% in 2005 in each country. Between UK and USA, the
rate
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 of
employment
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 for
both
Use synonyms
 genders was almost identical in 2005, at 70% and just over 60%.
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of
on job
Add a hyphen
on-job
show examples
males
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 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and
females
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 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 was slightly higher in 1995. (145) In conclusion,
males
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 dominated over
females
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 in terms of
employment
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 for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
six
countries
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 in
both
Use synonyms
 years. (18)
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, rate, both, countries, males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rates
  • economic indicators
  • comparative analysis
  • trends and patterns
  • economic factors
  • stability and change
  • sector-specific
  • job market
  • workforce participation
  • fluctuations
  • economic growth
  • unemployment
  • recession
  • boom
  • labor market dynamics
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