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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the amount of money spent on six consumer goods in 4 countries. Explain in details

The graph below shows the amount of money spent on six consumer goods in 4 countries. Explain in details
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The bar chart shows the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on six consumer goods (photographic
film
Use synonyms
, personal stereos, tennis racquets, perfumes,
CD's
Change noun form
CDs
show examples
,
toys
Correct word choice
and toys
show examples
) in four European countries, namely: Germany, France, Britain, and Italy.
Overall
Linking Words
, The British spent the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 on consumer goods
while
Linking Words
 Germany spent the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
. Of all sixteens, consumers spent the most
money
Use synonyms
 on photographic
film
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 in Britain spent over 170.000
pounds
Use synonyms
 on photographic
film
Use synonyms
, which is the highest figure shown on the chart.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in German had been the lowest spenders with roughly the same figures just under 150.000
pounds
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 for each of the six products. The figures for spending on toys were the same in both France and Italy at nearly 160.000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
French
people
Use synonyms
 spent more than Italians on photographic
film
Use synonyms
 and
CD's
Change the noun form
CDs
CD
show examples
. Italians paid out more for personal stereos, tennis racquets and perfumes. The
amount
Use synonyms
 spent by French
people
Use synonyms
 on tennis racquets
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 around 145.000
pounds
Use synonyms
, which is the lowest figure shown on the chart.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, money, film, people, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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