IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

"Some people believe that adults get motivated to exercise and play sports because of the major sports events on TV such as the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. Others say that there are many ways apart from TV to encourage them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

#people #adults #exercise #sports #events #tv #olympic #games #football #world #cup
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sports events all over the world telecast on
television
Use synonyms
, are g
reat source
Suggestion
a great source
of entertainment. A good portion of people even believes that these events incite them to take part in physical exercise and sports. And there are many, who think apart from sports programs on
television
Use synonyms
 a lot of other ways motivate people to exercise as well. Personally, I support the latter o
ne but
Accept comma addition
one, but
in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will try to elaborate on both the views. Grand sports events like World Cup Football or Olympic Games which are available to view on
television
Use synonyms
 sets, reach so many people that no other events can. Watching the fittest human beings on earth, all the regular people start dreaming to become an athlete like them. Despite knowing that it is not practically possible for them,
b
Accept space
,
ut many of them at least try.
Therefore
Linking Words
 sportsmen encourage young adults to be fit like them. From h
air
Suggestion
a hair
cut to f
itness,
Suggestion
fit
 following sports celebrities is very common in our culture. Another noteworthy point is, multi-sports events like Olympic or Asian Games, exhibits numerous ways and viewers get ideas which type of sports may suit them.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, most of the adults consider sports events as just a source of entertainment. Though a good number of followers are very serious about their f
avorite
something regarded with special favor or liking
favourite
sport their craziness i
s limited
Suggestion
are limited
within tracking records or collecting merchandise at best. Rather, for exercise, health shows or fitness experts play g
reater role
Suggestion
a greater role
to motivate them.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, unlike teenagers and children, adults are very aware of the facilities sportsmen get and the routine t
he
people in general
they
follow.
That is
Linking Words
 why matured people do not even try to follow them. They get motivated from people around them, maybe a friend or a colleague with whom t
he
people in general
they
can r
elate themselves.
Suggestion
relate to themselves
 In conclusion, nowadays most of the modern educated adults are health conscious not because they are motivated by watching sports events on
television
Use synonyms
 rather they want to live a healthy life following an easy practical routine.
Submitted by mabdullahanwar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: