IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#wealth #guaranty #happiness
We are living in the materialistic world, where everyone is running after
money
 by considering
it
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 sole reason of
happiness
.
This
 is true to some
extent but
Accept comma addition
extent, but
 we cannot associate
happiness
 completely with wealth. Wealth is necessary to maintain the well being of humans on
this
 planet and it is not easy to survive without having an ample amount of
money
 in your
pocket but
Accept comma addition
pocket, but
 it doesn’t guarantee the
happiness
; if
this
 is the case
than
subsequently or soon afterward (often used as sentence connectors)
then
 no one would ever be unhappy, who is rich.
Wealth
Suggestion
The wealth
 brought
comfort but
Accept comma addition
comfort, but
 not necessarily the joys of life. It reduces many problems from human lives;
firstly
, it makes people free from
burden
Suggestion
the burden
 of earning if they have enough to survive in
this
 world.
Secondly
, people can buy anything of their own choice which ultimately provides them
happiness
.
Finally
,
money
 can help to live a disease free life by giving them
opportunity
Suggestion
the opportunity
an opportunity
 to be fit by going to a gym or having a healthy
diet but
Accept comma addition
diet, but
 most importantly there is no guarantee to be happy after having all
such
 things. Recent researches have shown that more of mental health patient have stable background.
Hence
, it
is proves
Suggestion
proves
is proven
has proven
 that
money
 is not a symbol of
happiness
 but contentment is. On the flip side,
happiness
 is a general term which has different meanings for everyone.
Most happy
Suggestion
Happier
 people are those who are content in their given circumstance,
although
 they are striving for better lives, they don’t blame anyone for their failures.
Moreover
, those who cut their clothes according to need and save something for
rainy day
Suggestion
a rainy day
the rainy day
rainy days
 will never be disappointed or dissatisfied
in
Suggestion
with
 their lives. In conclusion, it is right to say that life without
money
 is not
easy but
Accept comma addition
easy, but
happiness
 of human beings
not solely depends
Suggestion
doesn't solely depend
 on it. There are other factors
such
 as contentment and right
judgment especially
Accept comma addition
judgment, especially
 utilization of available resources which makes people more satisfied.
Submitted by umemarafaqat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: