IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements?

#people #illness #disease #governments #efforts #pollution #statements
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that the public administration should invest in promoting solutions to residential and ecological issues as a preventive strategy
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some illnesses. I completely agree with
this
 notion
due to
 the following reasons. Improving the quality of housing avoids
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
direct contact with many bacteria and
virus
Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
show examples
 since private spaces create a barrier to contaminated air, which minimizes the risks of being contaminated
as a consequence
.
For instance
, studies have shown that the flu is more easily spread out among cohabiting communities than among
single house
Add a hyphen
single-house
show examples
 neighbourhoods, where habitants have
restrict
Wrong verb form
restricted
show examples
 physical contact with others.
Additionally
, a house offers
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better protection
to
Change preposition
against
show examples
 illnesses that are related to temperature variations
due to
 warming and cooler systems,
consequently
, the time of exposition to
extreme
Change the adjective
extremely
show examples
 warm and cold weather is drastically reduced.
Furthermore
,
environmentally-friendly
Correct your spelling
environmentally friendly
show examples
 measures contribute to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
general health because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 the quality of air and water consumed by citizens;
consequently
, the statistics of lug sicknesses
as well as
 diarrhoea are minimized.
For example
,
while
 in the most polluted Brazilian city, São Paulo, thirty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of diarrhoea and asthma issues have as the principal cause the pollution, in the
countryside
Add a comma
countryside,
show examples
 the number is reduced by twenty-five
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Moreover
, recycling waste can lead to a reduction in the population of rats and cockroaches that are carriers of countless illnesses, creating more sanitary and clean areas.
To conclude
, from my perspective, investing in
fair houses
Correct your spelling
fairhouses
 and the environment is an effective form to prevent diseases.
That is
 because
besides
 creating
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better protection
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals, these investments would
also
 improve the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of diseases in the environment.
Submitted by bele_sales on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Work on improving the organization of your ideas.
task response
Make sure to fully address all parts of the question, present a clear position, and provide sufficient support for your ideas. Additionally, use specific examples to illustrate your points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: