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Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments prohibiting the underage children for getting full-time jobs in certain countries. Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #children #jobs #countries
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In some countries, young adults who are below the age-limit to
work
Use synonyms
 are restricted for full-time
work
Use synonyms
 by the authorities. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 because young adults
being involved
Suggestion
been involved
 in workforce for day long would face serious
health
Use synonyms
 issues while they
can not
can not
cannot
 focus on their education and
consequently
Linking Words
 lead to
child
Use synonyms
 exploitation.
To begin
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 with, young children being engaged in permanent
work
Use synonyms
can not
can not
cannot
 take their study seriously.
This
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 means, having wasted most of their
day time
the time after sunrise and before sunset while it is light outside
daytime
 working, they would struggle to find adequate study
time which
Accept comma addition
time, which
 will lead
to obtain
Suggestion
to obtaining
 poor grades in academics and eventually would drop-out from primary or secondary levels.
For example
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, many developing countries where
child
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 labour is accepted, permanent
child
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 workers are prevented from entering to universities due to their
work
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 responsibilities. Another reason to support
this
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 idea is that working full-time would put them at risk of being affected by
health
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 problems both physically and mentally. Some jobs require physical activities, which would result in under-aged children to suffer from serious
health
Use synonyms
 conditions.
This
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 would
also
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 put mental strain on them while performing physically demanding jobs for all day long. To illustrate,
percentage
Suggestion
the percentage
 of children taking mental
health
Use synonyms
 support
is
Suggestion
are
 higher in south
asian
a native or inhabitant of Asia
Asian
 countries where children are allowed to
work
Use synonyms
 full-hours from the young age.
Finally
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, working children would fall into victim of
child
Use synonyms
 exploitation.
In other words
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, being under the age-limit for 8hours jobs, they are not protected by laws which result in receiving low wages while working equally as compared to adults.
However
Linking Words
, some destitute families require their offsprings to earn which would bring financial stability for the families, but the problems associated with full-time jobs for youngsters would outweigh that benefit. In conclusion, disruption in education, having
serious risk
Suggestion
a serious risk
 of being ill and getting lower remunerations make the notion of
forbiding
harshly uninviting or formidable in manner or appearance
forbidding
 children to take part in 8hours jobs appeared to be effective and other countries ought to be encouraged by the success of
such
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 measure.
Submitted by iqbal.asif252019 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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