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Writing Samples
Band 5

People can know about cultures and life through internet. So there is no need to travel to other countries to know about the culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Undoubtedly,
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 is considered to be
the
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apply
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one of the major discoveries of technology. It has blessed us with various benefits. Some folks believe that
people
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 can now learn about different
cultures
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 and
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
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 through
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Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 without travelling to other
countries
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. In my opinion, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view to some extent.
However
Linking Words
, there are a number of advantages of travelling to other
countries
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. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
people
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 learn more about the
cultures
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 and life of the
people
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 of other
countries
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 when they travel. They develop healthy social relationships when they physically interact with
the
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apply
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other
people
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 during their journey.
For example
Linking Words
, a study by Oxford
university
Capitalize word
University
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 has proven that
people
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 who travel a lot are much
aware
Correct quantifier usage
more aware
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about
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of
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 the traditions and
cultures
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 of the places they
visited
Wrong verb form
visit
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.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, travelling
also
Linking Words
 provides the opportunity
to
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for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 to tickle their taste buds with the local cuisine of the places they are visiting, which
give
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gives
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 better insight
to
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into
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 the life of the native
people
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 of the
countries
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 helps
people
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 to gather knowledge about the traditions and
cultures
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 of other
countries
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 sitting in the realms of their comfort, they cannot cultivate
real world
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real-world
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 social connections with each other.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they cannot develop emotional bonding because they are interacting virtually with the
people
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 of other nations over the
internet
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study by Texas University has proved that
people
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 step
backward
Change the spelling
backwards
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 when their virtual friends
of
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from
show examples
 other nations
asks
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ask
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 for
the
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apply
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monetary help on the
internet
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 using social applications. In conclusion, I assert that travelling to other
countries
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 to learn about other
cultures
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 and life is necessary. It not only
bolster
Correct subject-verb agreement
bolsters
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the
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apply
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social bonding
,
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apply
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 but
also
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give
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gives
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 a chance to
people
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 to enjoy various
of
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apply
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food options available in the places they are visiting.
However
Linking Words
,
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 only provides
the
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apply
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information about the traditions and
cultures
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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different
countries
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 and limits
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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 interactions
of
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with
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it fully. Avoid using too many ideas in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas. This helps the reader follow your points better.
task achievement
Include a clearer opinion in the conclusion. Restate your view on the topic more strongly.
task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic clearly and shows an opinion, which is good.
task achievement
You provide examples to support your points, which helps in explaining your ideas clearly.
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