IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say the purpose of education is to help people achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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Education is a vital part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
person
Use synonyms
's life.
While
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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some people say that the main intention of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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schooling should be building a perfect citizen, others think that it should intended to fulfil the dreams of every individual.
This
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 essay agrees with the fact that
the
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apply
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schooling should be more
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society oriented
Add a hyphen
society-oriented
show examples
 as it helps to transform a country
to
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into
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 a developed one rather
that
Correct your spelling
than
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developing
Correct article usage
a developing
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 individual lifestyle. If the main purpose of education is to develop a perfect civilian
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 will become more civilized
as well as
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 developed.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
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 every
person
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 is learning the things which are helpful the
society
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. By doing
this
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 they are aware of the
rules
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 and regulations of the country and they are more likely to follow those procedures.
For instance
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, in Japan, all citizens obey the
rules
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 properly because
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 primary aim of the study is to mould a child
to
Change preposition
into
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 a better
person
Use synonyms
. From
the
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apply
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childhood
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, they have been taught
the
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apply
show examples
things like, how to behave in public, how to obey
rules
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 etc.
Therefore
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, the primary aim of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schooling should be
Use synonyms
society oriented
Add a hyphen
society-oriented
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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schooling should be helpful for the individual to build their lives.
Although
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this
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 type of study teaches a
person
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 to earn more money, it is not at all useful to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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. To go into detail, many developing countries have skilled individuals
those
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apply
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who have graduated from the university.
However
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, these people are not willing to obey the
rules
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 properly just because they are unaware of those
rules
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.
For example
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, as per the latest survey of the Indian Express newspaper, 80
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of skilled employees in India are not paying their Income tax properly.
This
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 is
due to
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 their lack of knowledge about the importance of
rules
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.
Therefore
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, the study
based
Add a missing verb
is based
show examples
 on
self benefit
Add a hyphen
self-benefit
show examples
, if not good for the
society
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. In conclusion, Education which is aimed to mould a better citizen will
helps
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help
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 to make a country
to
Change preposition
apply
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a developed one as it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to build a civilized
society
Use synonyms
.
While
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, on the other side,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teaching based on individual purpose will only make their lifestyle better. If we are teaching the students about the importance of being a good citizen and about the
rules
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 is more likely to become a developed one.

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task achievement
Try to refine your thesis statement for clarity. It should clearly outline your position on the topic and what the essay will discuss. The current statement could be more precise.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow of your writing. This can help improve overall coherence in your writing.
task achievement
Ensure that all your points are fully supported with specific examples and explanations. This helps strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both views, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Usage of specific examples, like the case of Japan and India, adds relevance to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute to society
  • workforce
  • empower
  • fulfill potential
  • social responsibility
  • individual growth
  • well-rounded approach
  • societal impact
  • personal development
  • career prospects
What to do next:
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