IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many parts of the world, it is common for one parent to stay at home and raise a new born child while other works full time to earn money. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#parts #world #parent #home #child #works #time #money
Nowadays most
Accept comma addition
Nowadays, most
 people prefer to stay at
home
 when they have a
child
 while others think that to earn money full
time
work
 is very important.
This
 essay will argue that the disadvantages of
this
 outweigh the drawbacks. The essay will
first
 demonstrate that staying at
home
 effects to increase of
child's performance
Suggestion
a child's performance
 at school and parents can enjoy by family
time
, namely loosing full
time
work
 is not valid. The main reason to stay at
home
 is that increases
child
's performance at
school namely
Suggestion
school, namely
 they can
broden
make broader
broaden
 horizon homeworks
at
Suggestion
on
time
 after
parent's control
Suggestion
the parent's control
 and can achieve their peak point.
For
example in
Accept comma addition
example, in
 Japan 74% of pupil who often high works at schools their mother
work
 at part
time
work
 so they can control and help
to
Suggestion
with
 their
child
Suggestion
children
.
Besides
 that staying at
home
 brings happiness to
family
Suggestion
the family
, namely by watching
childeren's
a young person of either sex
children
 act they can be over the moon and west
time
 together. Mothers can prepare natural foods
to
Suggestion
for
child which
Suggestion
children, which
children which
the child which
a child which
 are
benefecial
promoting or enhancing well-being
beneficial
 to their body and care about their health in every minute. "The Life World" reported that 74% of children who eat
home
 foods that contain natural nutrition. They healthier than other kids. Those opposed to
this
 say that it causes that one parent might lose their lucrative job, namely they cannot find
high-powered job
Suggestion
a high-powered job
 after their kid
become
Suggestion
becomes
adult
Suggestion
an adult
.
However there
Accept comma addition
However, there
 is no
evedince
your basis for belief or disbelief; knowledge on which to base belief
evidence
obedience
 to support
this
 view and parents can back their full
time
 job after maternity leave.
Accroding
Suggestion
According
 to "World Life" 95% of parents who take maternity leave, they continue working easily because employer
catch
Suggestion
catches
 their place until they back. In short, staying at
home
 to
lookafter
Suggestion
look after
child
 leads to increase
of
Suggestion
in
child's performance
Suggestion
the child's performance
a child's performance
 and achieving family happiness which clearly outweigh than working full
time
 to earn money.
Submitted by 00005028 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!