Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivatethe youth who do not like to exercise much. Do you agree or disagree? Include relevant examples in your answer and provide your own opinion.

It is true that sport has become
one
of the most entertaining
television
shows these days. A group of
people
believe that these
sports
shows have negative effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
, as they prefer to watch those
games
on
television
rather than
exercising
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
. To a certain point, I would agree with the statement, but I
also
believe that it depends on the personality of each individual. On the
one
hand, it is a fact that the number of
sports
channels
has increased rapidly in the past recent years. Cable
channels
such
as ESPN, Ten
Sports
, Star
Sports
, Fox
Sports
and ASN are showing 24
hours
of attractive
sports
games
all around the world.
As a consequence
, many young
people
are staying in front of the
television
for a number of
hours
just to watch these
games
. The
condition
gets
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
as they are
also
consuming unhealthy food
such
as popcorn, candies and soda when they watch the shows.
Therefore
, a lot of
people
believe that these
channels
have been the main cause of bad
health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation nowadays.
On the other hand
, these
sports
programs should not be blamed as the only reason for the bad
health
conditions among the youngsters, as there are other factors which affect the
health
of the young
people
.
Firstly
, many parents do not teach their
children
about
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
healthy lifestyle. They are letting their
children
watch
television
for a number of
hours
and eating junk foods which would have a negative effect on the
children
.
Secondly
, it really depends on the personality of each individual. Some young
people
understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
of watching
television
for
such
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
long
hours
, but others just do not care about it.
Therefore
,
sports
channels
would only be
one
of the factors that affect the
health
condition
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I would agree that
sports
programs might have some negative effects on the
health
condition
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
. As these
channels
show entertaining
games
continuously, many teenagers spend more time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching the shows rather than exercising.
However
, I
also
believe that
sports
shows would only be
one
of the factors because the disciplinary attitude of the individual and the way parents educate their
children
would
also
affect the
health
condition
of the youth.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position and provides an overview of the essay content. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion.
task response
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt and stay focused on the topic throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Motivate
  • Elite athletes
  • Physical activity
  • Variety of sports
  • Patriotism
  • Participate
  • Commentary
  • Health and fitness
  • Accessibility
  • Communal viewing
  • Peer influence
  • Human capability
  • Perseverance
  • Dedication
  • Passive viewers
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