IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that having a set retirement at the age of 5 for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an earlier age. -agree or disagree -which types of workers do you think would benefit from this?

#people #retirement #age #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #-agree #-which
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an everlasting debate about the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
. Some people prefer the exit from occupation,
age
Use synonyms
 would be 55, Where as others believe that there should be no
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 until the
person
Use synonyms
 stop loves his job. The
first
Linking Words
 set of people believe that early cease to work would lead to a peaceful life with a pension. In my view, it's better to leave the choice to the
person
Use synonyms
 whether to pursue the job or not. Let us discuss about both of these in detail.
First
Linking Words
, early
retirement
Use synonyms
 gives mental peace to the
person
Use synonyms
 as he had worked hard all of these days. So it would be beneficial to an employee to retire early.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, working in old
age
Use synonyms
 might cause tension and other ailments. Take an instance, Indian Institute of Technology, Chennai, addressed the issue of health of old
age
Use synonyms
 workers by conducting a survey of 3000 Older people. They found that early
retirement
Use synonyms
 makes a
person
Use synonyms
 less stressful and happier than a same
age
Use synonyms
 old man with job responsibilities.
However
Linking Words
, there are some advantages of doing work at
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
. These are better social communication, more financial security and independence. So, only employee could take a decision about
this
Linking Words
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there are some sort of employees like peons, clerks and low paying employees would be in an advantageous state if they consider the
retirement
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because, they have so many responsibilities and it's a wise choice to opt for the
retirement
Use synonyms
 and get the pension
plan
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, persons who are working in the sectors, which are in a collapsing state could consider the old
age
Use synonyms
plan
Use synonyms
. The conclusion is, we must give options to the employees so that they would take the call and choose the right path as per their convenience.
However
Linking Words
, the nation
also
Linking Words
 should put focus on the employees who are closer to the old
age
Use synonyms
plan
Use synonyms
 by giving advises and provide adequate information about their old
age
Use synonyms
plan
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sakhamurimahesh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: