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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart gives us information about the physical activity done by Austrailian men and women

The chart gives us information about the physical activity done by Austrailian men and women
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The chart gives us information about the physical
activity
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 done by
Austrailian
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Australian
men
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 and
women
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 of various
age
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 groups in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Austrailian
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Australian
men
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 when they are young(ages 15-24) are more regular in physical
activity
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 and the Australian
women
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 who are in their late forties and early fifties (ages 45 to 54) are regular in physical
activity
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the percentage of Australian
men
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 and
women
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 in
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age
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the age
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group
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 25 to 34 and 65 and over respectively were the least in regular physical activities.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 we can see that
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 percentage of
Use synonyms
women’s
Change noun form
women
show examples
 doing physical
activity
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 is higher than that of males. We can segregate
this
Linking Words
 graph
in
Change preposition
into
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 three sections Above 50%
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people
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of people
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 , Between 40% to 50%
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people
Change preposition
of people
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 and below 40%
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people
Change preposition
of people
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 doing regular physical activities. So for the section of above 50% of
people
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 doing
physical
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a physical
show examples
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activity
Add a comma
,activity
show examples
 we can clearly see that
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women’s
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women
show examples
 from 3
age
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 groups (35 to 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64) have surpassed with 52.5%, 53.3% and 53% respectively working out regularly.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 males from only one
age
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group
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that is
Linking Words
 15 to 24 have surpassed it with 52.8% of them doing regular workouts. The
second
Linking Words
 segregation
that
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apply
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was for
people
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 lying between 40% to 50% of
population
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the population
show examples
 doing physical
activity
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, The male members of the society have taken over with 4
age
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 groups(25 to 34, 45 to 54, 55 to 64 and 65 and over) with 42.2%, 43.1%, 45.1% and 46.7% respectively doing regular fitness activities.
Whereas
Linking Words
 only
women
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 who were 65 and over fall under
this
Linking Words
 category with 47.1% of them doing workouts. The
last
Linking Words
 segregation was for
below
Correct pronoun usage
those below
show examples
 40% where only one male
age
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group
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 was confined.
Austrailain
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Australian
men
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 from
35years
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35 years
to 44 years were a little below 40% which made them fall in
this
Linking Words
 category. Only 39.5% of
auustralian
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Australian
men
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 from the above
age
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group
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 fall under
this
Linking Words
 category.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, whereas".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activity, men, women, age, group, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 3 times.
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