An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in term of their health and healthcare. What do you think why so many children are overweight. What is to be done to solve this problem

#children #term #health #healthcare

this

era, one of the major concerns is about

overweight

Suggestion

an overweight

this

is because of their dietary habits as well as due to

neglection

of outdoor activities

Suggestion

with

them.

Therefore

, I will discuss

this

issue to demonstrate helpful steps to reduce obesity. It can be easily seen that nowadays a significant proportion of teenagers who consume junk

food

are suffering from the problem of overweight.

This

is mostly due to the rapid transition from wholesome traditional

food

to fast

food

Although

western meal

Suggestion

a western meal

provides a variety of stuff to children,

however it

Accept comma addition

however, it

consists of

high amount

Suggestion

a high amount

high amounts

the high amount

of sugar, salt, and saturated fat, which causes overweight issues to daily consumers. To get out of

this

type of physical problem, they should take home made

food

in a balance amount.

Moreover

, parents should encourage their children to participate in

games

Suggestion

the games

in order to remain fit and protected against chronic illness related diseases. In conclusion, I would say that traditional diet should be taken by youngsters rather than fast

food

and taking part in cultural and sports activities

Suggestion

are

lucrative in order to enhance stamina and reduce obesity.

Submitted by karangrewal87288 on Tue Dec 03 2019

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

185 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in term of their health and healthcare. What do you think why so many children are overweight. What is to be done to solve this problem

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. discuss both views and give your opinion.

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

Online courses make conventional classrooms unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or an negative development