IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

children as a young as eight own a mobile phone nowadays. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

#children #eight #phone #outweigh
In recent years, the average age of the phone owners has decreased slightly. It shows that, young users have increased.
This
 argument has both benefits and drawbacks and
this
 essay will discuss the main points of them. On the one hand, there are two main disadvantages which are extremely harmful for the children.
Firstly
, the physical damages which are given by the use of mobile devices
such
 as emission and eye problem are hazardous to the teenager.
For instance
, many researches shown that, getting radiation from mobile phone for one day is nearly equal to staying twenty minutes in Chernobyl. We all know that, radiation is dangerous, but that amount of radiation is enough to be cancer in twenty years.
Secondly
, the increasing number of mobile device usage is
also
 may cause loneliness and depression as a reason of spending lots of time in internet or social media.
For example
, generally if a person spends a lot of time with technology, the society may use nicknames
such
 as nerd or asocial for him due to his technology obsession.
Although
, child wants to be a social, society would never be close to him. For defending ourselves and our children for that kind of things, we must take precautions.
On the other hand
, there is
also
 beneficial fact which is related with fast and fresh information. To illustrate
this
, children are learning much faster than mid aged people because of their experience about network, internet and technological devices.
Therefore
, when we are a minor, having a mobile phone is might be useful to get in touch with fresh news all the time. To summarise that, there is both available pros and cons which are extremely efficient. For reasons that, parents which are responsible with their child have to be careful. In my opinion, it might be challenging to tackle with that issue. Families ought to limit their child's usage and have to take precautions while they are dealing with that issue.
Otherwise
, it would become a serious and a hazardous problem about their infant's future.
Submitted by umutcerin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: