IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
An increasing number of arguments are going around
world
Suggestion
the world
 about whether children should have a spirit of
competition
 or cooperation. Some are of the opinion, former one has to be motivated while others maintain that it would be best to improve their latter skill as it would lead them to have a better
life
 in the future.
This
 essay will discuss how
both
 skills impact the children’s
life
. On the one hand, encouraging the children to compete with their peers or friends would help them to grow in many ways. One of the glaring benefits is that it would obviously boost their energy
level which
Accept comma addition
level, which
 would motivate them to do better in either studies or sports, resulting in creating a productive workforce.
In other words
, cognitive, innovative and creative skills cannot be developed among children who grow up in a
less
Suggestion
less competitive
competition
 environment.
Although
, it would contribute their overall growth, it still has a risk of developing the conflict and jealousy.
This
 may adversely affect their social skills. All in all, regardless of the minor risk, a sense of
competition
 is necessary for a child’s development.
On the other hand
, nurturing the children in the more cooperative environment would
also
 bring the beneficial effects to their
life
, regardless of a disadvantage associated with it. The primary advantage would be, they can have an opportunity to increase their social skills, which is far more important in the job market.
This
 would mean that they would become a good team player.
This
 is because, cooperative surroundings will possibly teach children
on
Suggestion
about
 how to effectively listen and understand the feeling and opinion of others,
thus
 make them to be a more social person.
However
, it may depress them as they may feel bored about their
life
 due to lack of competitive spirit. In conclusion, in order to be a successful adult,
both
 cooperative and
competition
Suggestion
competitive
 skills are vital, given consideration to the pros linked with it.
Therefore
, I am of the opinion that
both
 skills should be carefully taught to the children by considering the negative impacts
both
 bring.
Submitted by kirisiva14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
What to do next:
Look at other essays: