IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

MANY PEOPLE WORK LONG HOURS, LEAVING VERY LITTLE TIME FOR LEISURE ACTIVITIES. DOES THIS SITUATION HAVE MORE ADVANTAGES OR MORE DISADVANTAGES?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
Nowadays there is an increasing number of people who dedicate a huge amount of their lives working for extended periods, leading to almost no time left for enjoyment. I strongly believe
such
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 brings more disadvantages than benefits, due to health and family issues that could emerge from
this
. One of the main reasons I advocate people should not work for long hours is the increased likelihood of becoming stressed to a point their intellectual performance could be affected. The lack of free time leads to a routine that has no room for leisure activities, which are essential for a healthy mind.
For example
, workers
of
Suggestion
on
 the stock market are usually always connected and following the news, even on weekends, so that they can rapidly act to adjust their stock portfolio.
As a result
, they cannot relax and will probably face severe health consequences in the near future.
Moreover
, those who are employed in careers that demand longer than usual shifts will usually affect their offsprings as well.
This
 is because most children spend the majority of their day at school, and only have weekends to share moments with their relatives. If parents spend an excessive
number
Suggestion
amount
 of hours in the office, these youngsters will grow up without many family memories.
However
, it is important to acknowledge those who work harder than usual are
also
 more likely to save money and to provide better opportunities to their children,
such
 as being able to afford expensive
universities’
Suggestion
university
 tuitions to them. In conclusion, even though working extra hours could lead to better financial income, and its benefits, for the family, I firmly support that workers should avoid
such
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 due to its drawbacks,
such
 as potential health issues and emotional damage that could be caused to their loved ones.
Submitted by juliano.rossi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: