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Band 3.5

Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #salary #company #work #atmosphere
Although
 some people prefer
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 choosing a company to
work
 for,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
, others believe that a quality working atmosphere is critical. In
this
 essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss both views and towards the end will provide you
my
Add the preposition
with my
show examples
 opinion on
this
 subject. We all know that
salary
 is very important
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for a better life, the more
salary
 you have the better life you could enjoy.
For example
, a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 job which is above average
salary
 is definitely going to ease the burden of the daily expenses and help you buy some luxury items. Is
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
 really more important than
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance or
work
 environment? It is very important that we have time to spend the money with our loved ones.
Also
, we should be wary of the fact that family is more important and once the time is gone, it can't come back.
For example
, football
match
Fix the agreement mistake
matches
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 your kid, parent
teacher
Correct your spelling
parent-teacher
show examples
meeting
Replace the word
meetings
show examples
 for your kid should not be missed because of your
work
. In my opinion,
salary
 is important,
however
,
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 working atmosphere outweighs the former. It
depends
Wrong verb form
Depending
show examples
 on your circumstances,
sometime
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it may be wise to choose
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
 for
short
Correct article usage
the short
show examples
 term,
however
, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run, look for
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
 balance opportunity. In conclusion, always
looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
show examples
 for pros and cons,
while
 choosing a company to
work
 for, check with your friends or relatives about the review and don't jump based on just
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
.
Submitted by amazing.cool on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks specific supporting examples.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present. However, the main points lack coherence and proper development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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