Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Although
some people prefer
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
choosing a company to
work
for,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
, others believe that a quality working atmosphere is critical. In
this
essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
discuss both views and towards the end will provide you
my
Add the preposition
with my
show examples
opinion on
this
subject. We all know that
salary
is very important
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for a better life, the more
salary
you have the better life you could enjoy.
For example
, a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
job which is above average
salary
is definitely going to ease the burden of the daily expenses and help you buy some luxury items. Is
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
really more important than
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
balance or
work
environment? It is very important that we have time to spend the money with our loved ones.
Also
, we should be wary of the fact that family is more important and once the time is gone, it can't come back.
For example
, football
match
Fix the agreement mistake
matches
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
your kid, parent
teacher
Correct your spelling
parent-teacher
show examples
meeting
Replace the word
meetings
show examples
for your kid should not be missed because of your
work
. In my opinion,
salary
is important,
however
,
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
working atmosphere outweighs the former. It
depends
Wrong verb form
Depending
show examples
on your circumstances,
sometime
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it may be wise to choose
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
for
short
Correct article usage
the short
show examples
term,
however
, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long run, look for
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance opportunity. In conclusion, always
looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
show examples
for pros and cons,
while
choosing a company to
work
for, check with your friends or relatives about the review and don't jump based on just
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
.
Submitted by amazing.cool on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks specific supporting examples.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present. However, the main points lack coherence and proper development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: