IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #salary #company #work #atmosphere
Although
 some people prefer
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 choosing a company to
work
 for,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
, others believe that a quality working atmosphere is critical. In
this
 essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss both views and towards the end will provide you
my
Add the preposition
with my
show examples
 opinion on
this
 subject. We all know that
salary
 is very important
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for a better life, the more
salary
 you have the better life you could enjoy.
For example
, a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 job which is above average
salary
 is definitely going to ease the burden of the daily expenses and help you buy some luxury items. Is
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
 really more important than
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance or
work
 environment? It is very important that we have time to spend the money with our loved ones.
Also
, we should be wary of the fact that family is more important and once the time is gone, it can't come back.
For example
, football
match
Fix the agreement mistake
matches
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 your kid, parent
teacher
Correct your spelling
parent-teacher
show examples
meeting
Replace the word
meetings
show examples
 for your kid should not be missed because of your
work
. In my opinion,
salary
 is important,
however
,
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 working atmosphere outweighs the former. It
depends
Wrong verb form
Depending
show examples
 on your circumstances,
sometime
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it may be wise to choose
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
 for
short
Correct article usage
the short
show examples
 term,
however
, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run, look for
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
 balance opportunity. In conclusion, always
looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
show examples
 for pros and cons,
while
 choosing a company to
work
 for, check with your friends or relatives about the review and don't jump based on just
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
.
Submitted by amazing.cool on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks specific supporting examples.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present. However, the main points lack coherence and proper development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
  • <4
    band

    the picture illustrates instant noodles making process steps. describe it is with 150 word

    The given diagram demonstrates the production process of instant noodles.
  • 5.5
    band

    The best way to solve environmental problems is increase the fuel cost? do you agree or disagree?

    Some argue that the most optimal solution to address the global environmental crisis is to increase the fuel price. From my perspective, I would like to refuse this notion as these problems caused by many factors and other approaches will be more effective due to some long-term benefits.
  • 5.5
    band

    People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree

    In the modern busy life, there are a large number of immigrants who have been willing to have a comfortable life in other nations. Many advocate that people should conform to the local customs and traditions when they settle in a new country. From my respective, I strongly agree with this idea because of some problems and benefits that people can face with them. There are two important reasons why newcomers should blend into the local culture in the host country. Firstly, the refusal to adapt to host environment would create a cultural barrier for immigrants. This leads to social isolation, which has negative influences on people’s lives. Secondly, it is logical/true that limited knowledge of local customs may result in some illegal actions in the host country and make local/native people unpleased. For instance, in Singapore, one of the cleanest countries in Asia, local residents consider anyone dirty and ill-mannered if they litter the street or spit gum in the public. Newcomers c...
  • 4.5
    band

    People today are spending more and more time outside of the home. What are the reasons for this trend? What effects is it having on individuals and society?

    In this contemporary era, no one hardly likes to utilise time with family. It is believed that spending myriad hours outside the accommodation is mostly preferred by a group of individuals. Although, several causes of this phenomenon are hectic schedules and the influence of peer groups which largely disturb the family relations of individuals and distract the younger generation in the community.
  • 4
    band

    Some people think that some type of criminals should not go to prison, instead they should do unpaid work in the community. To what extent do you agree?

    Variety of crimes are being punished by prison, however some people believe that certain offenders should not be imprisoned ,rather they should do community services. I agree that in some cases, prison may not be the best solution and community work will help them to rehabilitate. The first thing to consider is the young offenders, which are being involved in all type of crimes, can never be put into the prison. This is because the children’s mind can be moulded easily, so before giving them harsh punishment the whole matter should be looked for. For instance, several mobsters force needy kids to do illegal acts for the sake of money, which make them delinquent juveniles. The rest of the life of the youngsters can be saved by teaching them good deeds along with the community works so that they can understand the value of their life. The second thing to be considered is that the drug addicted persons, who are culprit can never be imprisoned. The reason is that they ...