Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #time #families

Nowadays, it can be argued that children

to spend

Suggestion

spend

their all free

time

with

thier

of them or themselves

their

family or with other activities. In my opinion, it would be good for children to expend their all spare

time

individually or with their friends. There are several reasons for children why being with their family is necessary in their spare

time

Firstly

, there may be young children who

does not have

Suggestion

do not have

parents in the world, unfortunately. So, children who have parents should enjoy every moment that they passed together.

Secondly

, there may be young children whose school

is located

Suggestion

are located

far away from home. With

this

, they and their parents may miss each others.

Thirdly

, when young children do have some free

time

they can get advice from their family members if they have problems with their studies.

On the other hand

firstly

, I believe that children should spend all their

time

with reading books, learning something new.

This

can be the basement of the future career and make finding a job

more easier

Suggestion

easier

after finishing university or college.

Secondly

, if they expend their spare

time

with playing various types of games with their friends, they can enjoy their past

time

. To conclude, spending free

time

with family may be necessary for children, but expending all spare

time

may become negative. So, it is better for them to spend it individually or with friends.

Submitted by keldiyorov02 on Sat Dec 14 2019

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

229 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

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Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.