IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion including relevant examples.

#people #money #gift #teenager
Some would argue that teenagers should be given
money
 as a
gift
, while others oppose it. While
money
 could fulfil some of their essential needs, I believe that youngsters could misuse it to buy materials that have a negative impact on them if given as a present. On the one hand, when youth between 13 to 19 are availed of a certain amount of finance, they could
use
 it to spend on some of their important necessities.
This
 is to say that there are certain items that they
need but
Accept comma addition
need, but
 are ashamed of asking it to their parents or relatives.
For example
, girls in Nepal are hesitant to discuss about their puberty and ashamed of their natural menstruation cycle, which forces them to
use
 old clothes as a sanitary pad, that may contain bacteria,
instead
 of safer products available in the market.
However
, I believe that most mothers are open about these things with their teenage daughters and provide
such
 items without being asked.
On the other hand
, youngsters
use
 the
money
, given as a present, to purchase an unnecessary item that may pose a negative effect.
This
 means youth
think
Suggestion
thinks
 that gifted
money
 is to fulfil their personal desire and they are not required to explain their parents where they have spent that amount.
Consequently
, they may end up buying the materials they are not supposed to have or
use
.
For example
, a recent survey revealed that 30% of the teens in the USA spend their extra pocket
money
 to buy illegal medicines; so a financial
gift
 would only encourage them to do more and others to start.
Therefore
, allowing teenagers to own
money
 as a
gift
 tend them to
use
 it in a subject that may have a detrimental effect on them. In conclusion,
although
 the financial
gift
 is crucial for some teenagers because it enables them to purchase an item
that is
 extremely important for them, I believe that most of them would misuse it in the product that have an adverse result
on
Suggestion
in
 them.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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