IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People in developed countries are buying more and more cars. Do the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

#people #countries #cars #environment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to rapid development in economy and fast access to cheaper loans, more and more people are purchasing cars. While
this
Linking Words
 may provide convenience and greater access to individuals, but it
also
Linking Words
 puts strain on
environment
Suggestion
the environment
 due to the
pollution
Use synonyms
 caused by the cars.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the benefits of owning a
car
Use synonyms
 as
mode
Suggestion
a mode
 of transportation and detrimental effects cars have on
environment
Suggestion
the environment
an environment
. On the one hand, the main advantage of using a
car
Use synonyms
 as a mode of transportation is that it provides greater levels of comfort and independence. In
absence
Suggestion
the absence
 of a proper public transport infrastructure, people are inclined towards owning a
car
Use synonyms
 as irrespective of weather conditions,
car
Use synonyms
 can help people travel from one destination to another and save time as well. In case of emergencies like taking a family member to
hospital
Suggestion
the hospital
, having a
car
Use synonyms
 can be a boon.
Additionally
Linking Words
, owning a
car
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 brings in
sense
Suggestion
a sense
the sense
 of pride as it is seen as
status symbol
Suggestion
a status symbol
status symbols
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cars cause
great
Suggestion
the greatest
 amount of
pollution
Use synonyms
 and congestion on roads. Global warming
has been increasing
Suggestion
is increasing
 at
rapid pace
Suggestion
a rapid pace
 and is now a real danger for human beings. As per the recent analysis, pollutants like CO2 emitted by cars are the major contributors in increasing smog and damaging the environment. Major cities in
world
Suggestion
the world
 like New Delhi, Seoul, Shanghai are at alarming levels of
pollution
Use synonyms
, most people cannot go out without wearing a mask. Diseases caused by poor quality of air are increasing at
fast pace
Suggestion
a fast pace
. If the situation persists for long, soon
Earth
Suggestion
the Earth
 will no longer be a habitable place. In conclusion, increase in
pollution
Use synonyms
 leading to climate change and worsening living conditions
are
Suggestion
is
 far more dangerous regardless of any advantages possessing a
car
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hiteshkhodani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: