If regular exercise decreased their physical pain, they would continue their sport by their own will.

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Despite the physicians' recommendation for more daily physical activities for elderlies, they often do not be active enough. The forthcoming essay shall discuss the causes of

this

Linking Words

problem and provide some solutions to motivate them Some of the most common reasons for senior’s sedentary lifestyle are their depression and physical pain.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the majority of old

people

Use synonyms

are living alone in their own place, and entertain themselves just by watching the news and movies. Their fixed routine and monotonous lifestyle lead them to isolation and most of them prefer to stay home for days

instead

Linking Words

of going out for a walk.

Stay

Wrong verb form

Staying

show examples

home for long periods and

Verb problem

apply

show examples

not

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

any social activities intensify their depression which prevents them from doing any exercise.

Besides

Linking Words

, older

people

Use synonyms

usually suffer from severe physical pain,

such

Linking Words

as backache and knee inflation.

This

Linking Words

is because they had unhealthy diets and inactive lifestyles when they were young. So, in their sixties or seventies is kind of impossible for them to follow regular sports.

However

Linking Words

, there are some measures that could be taken to encourage seniors, with mental and physical health, to be more active.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the healthcare centres should hold some monthly events in order to gather old

people

Use synonyms

. These kinds of events might help them to lessen their loneliness and give them a chance to meet

people

Use synonyms

. They may be motivated by their new friends to be more active and follow some regular sport.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the governments should allocate some budget for improving the sports facilities just for old

people

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

means they have to provide some special gyms for elderlies with modern machines and professional coaches. If regular exercise decreased their physical pain, they would continue their sport

Change preposition

show examples

their own will. In conclusion, the majority of the old generation tends to relax all day because of their negative emotions and movement disorders. They could be pushed to be more active by participating in various events and therapy salons.

Negar_seddighTue Jun 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure there is a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Although the essay flows well overall, there are a few areas where the connection between sentences could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'consequently' could help in this regard.

task achievement

To improve task response, make sure to fully develop each idea with relevant specific examples and explanations. While the essay covers the reasons and solutions for the sedentary lifestyle of the elderly, more detailed and varied examples could strengthen the arguments.

task achievement

Try to ensure that you address all parts of the task evenly. Here, the essay focuses more on the reasons for the sedentary lifestyle and slightly less on the solutions. Balancing these two parts more equally would provide a more comprehensive response to the task.

coherence cohesion

The introduction clearly states the issue at hand and outlines what the essay will discuss, setting up clear expectations for the reader.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion is effectively summarized and provides a succinct end to the essay, reaffirming the main points discussed.

task achievement

The essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas on the reasons behind the sedentary lifestyle of the elderly, demonstrating good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

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Hope you're recovering from the injuries!

If regular exercise decreased their physical pain, they would continue their sport by their own will.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information; therefore, there is no need for printed books, magazines, and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from home is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?