The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being over weight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society. How can this problem be solved.

Nowadays obesity is becoming a major issue in society.
Increase
Correct article usage
An increase
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in weight may lead to
cause
Verb problem
apply
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serious diseases and even death.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss the reasons and some solutions, which we can use
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to overcome
this
Linking Words
issue. In
this
Linking Words
era time management
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
the highest priority, so
people
Use synonyms
eat junk/fast food to save their precious time, and
this
Linking Words
habit will make them
addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast food. Some
people
Use synonyms
just eat them because they are fond of it.
This
Linking Words
will make them lazy for cooking, and
this
Linking Words
habit will
also
Linking Words
reflect on their other activities too. They become lazy to do exercise, walking, working, which will stimulate the rate of increasing weight.
For example
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,
a
Remove the article
apply
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recent research conducted at the University of Alberta claims that 70% of the
people
Use synonyms
who are not getting adequate
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
, become lethargic in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
near future. Hopefully, we can prevent
this
Linking Words
by taking some steps against it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, The government should impose higher taxes on unhealthy edible items
such
Linking Words
as pizza,
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
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,
ready made
Add a hyphen
ready-made
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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, etc.
This
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may drop the sales of
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
of food items significantly.
Secondly
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, some
NGO
Fix the agreement mistake
NGOs
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should spread awareness by conducting seminars,
events
Correct word choice
and events
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and printing banners.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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should give incentives to the
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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not having meals like these.
For example
Linking Words
, in China,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
who
are
Verb problem
do
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not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
unhealthy
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
and
physically
Add a missing verb
are physically
show examples
fit,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to pay less taxes in comparison to obese persons.
To conclude
Linking Words
, to stay happy and wealthy keeping
body
Add an article
the body
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in shape is essential, which can be done by regular
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
and acquiring enough and proper nourishment.

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task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by directly stating the reasons and solutions you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better and improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your points, as this will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively identified a relevant issue and proposed solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • health problems
  • fast food
  • unhealthy
  • nutrition
  • screen time
  • physical activity
  • busy lifestyles
  • healthy meals
  • dietary choices
  • public spaces
  • exercising
  • marketing
  • advertising
  • appealing
  • cheaper
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