IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays more and more business meetings and business training are taking place online. Do the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantage?

#business #meetings #place #development
As the development of
computer
network
 in modern life, more people in
business
 field prefer to attend online
session
 and education more than in person. I personally believe that
benefits
Suggestion
the benefits
 of the online trend for
business
 sitting and training in these days far outweigh the drawbacks. On the plus side, there are some advantages in
take
Suggestion
taking
 a part in
commerce
 meeting and educating.
To begin
 with, online trade
session
 and training leads to perform an
expand
 sitting. Simply put, in
this
 extend
session
 more people can attend. Take extend
sitting
Accept comma addition
sitting, for
for example
, taking
place
 many people in
this
session
 bring about extraordinary different comments which contributes to deduce more sophisticated.
Furthermore
, people from all over the world could be present
in
Suggestion
at
this
expand
 sitting.
Therefore
, development of
computer
network
bring
Suggestion
brings
 about
this
 extend
business
session which
Accept comma addition
session, which
 leads to many benefits like taking part more people
also
 people from all over the world. These advantages could not take
place
 without
computer
network
 evolution.
However
, the downside cannot be ignored. The most axiomatic argument is concerned with attending more people in these
expand
 online
commerce
 meetings.
That is
 to say, taking
place
 more participant in these sittings
result
Suggestion
results
 in
great dispute comment
Suggestion
the great dispute comment
 which is highly likely bring about controversial topics. Considering that,
participant
Suggestion
participants
 in these
expand
Suggestion
expands
 online
commerce
session
 are not present in person to have
conversation
Suggestion
a conversation
conversations
 with more details
then
 these great
debate
Suggestion
debates
 take
place
. A good illustration for
this
, an expert who
attend
Suggestion
attends
 in these
expand
 online
commerce
meeting
Suggestion
meetings
 can be
talk
Suggestion
talking
 about a fact about
trade but
Accept comma addition
trade, but
 it won’t appreciate just like what it is and
this
 will bring some disagreements.
Moreover
,
participant
Suggestion
participants
 in these
extend
Suggestion
extends
 online trade sessions which result in argument due to different interpretation; highly likely to cannot talk about their actual explanation and their statement can be
deduce
Suggestion
deduced
wrongly
Suggestion
wrong
. To conclude, regardless of drawbacks, I think that development in
computer
network
bring
Suggestion
brings
 about many benefits for
business
session
 and training
such
 as more people could take
place
 and different interpretation likely to be heard.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: