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Writing Samples
Band 4

despite huge improvements in healthcare , the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now failing what could be the reason for this trend and what can be done to reserve it.

#improvements #healthcare #health #countries #reason #trend #reserve
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Health problems
Linking Words
such obesity and
Suggestion
such as obesity and
 diabetes are becoming more widespread in parts of
developed world
Suggestion
the developing world
developing world
. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem and various measurements could be taken by governments and individuals to improve the situation. Lifestyle and diet are the major causes of poor health in developed countries. Most people travel by car rather than tend to
walking
Suggestion
walk
. They used to work in offices where little physical activity is required, and they are
also
Linking Words
 less active at home. Adults are watching television, while children playing
videogames
Suggestion
video games
 rather than doing outdoor sports. At the same
time many
Accept comma addition
time, many
 people eat fast food or pre-prepared meals which are cheap to buy and easy to make. These foods often contain much fat, salt, sugar and
consequently
Linking Words
, populations in
developed
Suggestion
developing
 countries are increasingly overweight. Regular exercise and a healthy diet are the keys
towords
near
towards
toward
 raising the overall standard of health in any country. Doctors advise exercising at least three times a
week for
Accept comma addition
week, for
 twenty minutes, and adults need to take responsibility for making sure that they and their children follow these guidelines. Governments can
also
Linking Words
 help the situation by ensuring that there is enough time for sport on school timetables. With regard to the need for a healthy diet, governments can play their part by planning junk food from school menus, but it is even more important that individuals make better choices about the foods they eat
.
Accept space
.
 In conclusion, the standard of physical health will improve when people become more physically active and start to eat more healthy.
Submitted by hegazy.me on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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