Some people suggest that social networking and online communication have increased social isolation. In what ways do you think this has happened?

#people #communication #isolation

In recent

years some

Accept comma addition

years, some

people advocate that use of social networking is

significantly

Suggestion

significant

signed

signified

and rapidly

inreasing

becoming greater or larger

increasing

notably among

young generation

Suggestion

the young generation

young generations

this

has a serious consequence which is social isolation. Especially since

last

decade I

Accept comma addition

decade, I

agree that social networking has weakened social bonds rather than helping their life easier. Most visible developments in recent years

has occured

Suggestion

have occurred

has occurred

in technological devices. Personal computers are at everybody’s desks, smartphones are everybody’s pockets. It is not a very big deal to communicate with your family member who is living at

other side

Suggestion

the other side

of the world. Before internet had not involved

into

Suggestion

our lives at

this

level, people were writing the letter each other to correspond, maybe they were waiting an answer for weeks. In those

time

Suggestion

times

, telephone was

only opportunity

Suggestion

the only opportunity

for a mother to hear her son’s voice. That’s why I believe that communication in those times is more valuable comparing today. If something is obtained easily, it does not have much more worth. As though it can be said for today’s communication, too.

Today people

Accept comma addition

Today, people

can correspond each other

efortless

Suggestion

effortlessly

effortless

therefore

making a new friend does not make sense for them because by

help

Suggestion

the help

of their smartphone and social networking they can meet countless of people in a short term of time. Today’s world the shape of friendship has differentiated namely, people

has commenced

Suggestion

have commenced

to communicate by texting.

Particulary

Suggestion

Particularly

new generation supposes

that is

the right way to make new friends and being social even though it is obviously wrong. They need to meet face to face,

make

engage in

some common activities

such

as doing a sport or going to a

theather

a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented

theatre

or debate politely each other.

Such

these activities will make people social

otherwise

they have been lonely in that virtual world.

Unfortunately in

Accept comma addition

Unfortunately, in

coming years being isolated from others will increase

dramaticly

in a very impressive manner

dramatically

if necessary precautions are not taken.

As a result

social networking is a very

usefull

being of use or service

useful

tool to

communicate

Accept comma addition

communicate, however

however

people should have some restrictions to prevent to seize their life completely.

Otherwise

social isolation is an

indispensible

not to be dispensed with; essential

indispensable

result.

Submitted by sinanyildirim1988 on Mon Dec 30 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

338 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people suggest that social networking and online communication have increased social isolation. In what ways do you think this has happened?

Fully explain your ideas

İn some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both two views and give your opinion.

In some countries, younger people are neglecting their rights to vote. WHAT problems does this cause and what are some possible solutions? v.1

Some people say that studying at school is not important because most important things are learnt outside the school. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the media should be for entertainment only, while others believe that media should have educational values. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?