Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

These days, with the increasing development of technological advancements, it has become common for a
to utilise digital devices rather than paper books. Some argue that
tendency detrimentally affects children's social life,
think the opposite.
essay will explore both viewpoints
Remove the comma
show examples
and provide my own opinion in the conclusion. On the one hand, the Internet offers young individuals a variety of resources and services for educational and entertainment purposes.
, social media is quite convenient
due to
its easy access, so that the
communicates with their friends without leaving their homes.
For example
, the most renowned social media "Facebook", offers a great opportunity for chatting and building new relationships with
via online games.
, by reading online stories and watching educational videos, young students can stay informed acquiring new knowledge in their comfort zone.
, online sources are an effective and convenient way to educate and entertain young learners.
On the other hand
, reading stories with parents leads to the connection between a
and a parent, because the parents lead the process by asking questions and introducing characters. Prioritising laptops and computers over books does not help improve relationships with close ones, as the
is more focused on exploring things on their own.
, participating in virtual communication only can prevent the
from making friends in real life which adversely affects their social skills.
For instance
, it was observed that those kids who interact with
online for more than four hours daily have social barriers to joining a new group of peers and building new connections.
As a result
, the lack of real-life activities with
causes social issues and difficulties in participation in experiences,
as interviews or work meetings in the future. In conclusion, excessive use of digital devices negatively affects social aspects of a
's personality,
reading books only prevents the
from engaging in innovative practices. In my opinion, when parents assist their children with reading stories
as well as
utilising modern technologies, it creates a balanced approach that needs to be followed.
Submitted by innakireeva0101 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. You've touched upon both sides and provided your opinion, but expand your examples to be more specific and detailed. This could further substantiate your arguments and illustrate your points vividly.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, focus on the logical flow of your ideas. While your essay has a good structure, using a wider range of linking words and phrases can enhance the connectivity between sentences and paragraphs, making your argumentation smoother.
General Advice
For a stronger essay, further elaborate on your main ideas with more detailed examples and explanations. This would not only support your arguments more effectively but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interactivity
  • multimedia resources
  • educational apps
  • global connectivity
  • imagination
  • critical thinking
  • attention span
  • concentration
  • vocabulary depth
  • literary knowledge
  • cultural awareness
  • digital literacy
  • conventional reading
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