IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#developments #lives #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is considered by some that earlier advances in technology have had a greater impact on human
life
Use synonyms
 than the recent changes. I totally support
this
Linking Words
 belief for the two following reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many earlier
technologies
Use synonyms
 help
people
Use synonyms
 change the way they live. One illustration originated from the fact that the telephone invention has changed the way we communicate. Particularly, the telephone has made communication more efficient and faster. After it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 invented,
people
Use synonyms
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 connect to others from different locations in a shorter time. The light bulb is another example
Correct pronoun usage
that proved
show examples
proved
Wrong verb form
proves
show examples
 that earlier
technologies
Use synonyms
 can improve our quality of
life
Use synonyms
. Before it was introduced,
people
Use synonyms
 relied on sunlight and candles as main light sources. The invention of
light
Change the article
the light
show examples
 bulb enables
people
Use synonyms
 to extend the length of days.
In other words
Linking Words
, it allows us to do more activities after sunset
such
Linking Words
 as working, studying or socialising,
thus
Linking Words
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 quality and productivity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is indisputable that most modern
technologies
Use synonyms
 are developed based on earlier
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 were upgraded from mobile phones, and mobile phones
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
evolved from telephones.
In addition
Linking Words
, some early
technologies
Use synonyms
 cannot be replaced by the modern ones. Specifically,
although
Linking Words
 there are many recent medical breakthroughs, some traditional techniques are still effective and cannot be replaced. Specifically, X-rays, which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 discovered over one hundred years ago, still
remains
Verb problem
play
show examples
 a crucial role in helping doctors
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
diagnose and treat some diseases. In conclusion, the benefits of earlier technology development are too great to ignore. It not only improves human
life
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 holds a key to a number of modern technological innovations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a well-structured response to the task, addressing the prompt from both sides. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit in presenting the writer's viewpoint.
Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates a good level of task achievement, providing a clear response to the question and presenting relevant specific examples to support the argument. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly express the writer's position and summarize the main points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: