IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise.Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Recently, the discuss on the
way
Use synonyms
 to promote
exercise
Use synonyms
 has become heated. Some people believe that watching the big event might be the best
way
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 while the others don't. I think both of the view are all reasonable while I am more all for the
second
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 viewpoint.
Firstly
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, in terms of the big events, the engagement is undeniable while the persistence might be a bit hard to applaud.
For instance
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, events like the Olympic, can engage people in sports, help people to have the interest in sports implicitly, which can encourage people to do
exercise
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 spontaneously.
However
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, as most of the sports like running and swimming are strenuous, it might be tough for the adults, especially those who hardly
work
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 before, to form a habit to do it regularly.
Therefore
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, they might be hard to persist even they are attracted by the big events.
Secondly
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, there are more attractive
way
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 to get people to
exercise
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 nowadays.
For example
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, the FIFA football games and the Tokyo Olympic games from the game company Nitendo, these games help combine doing sports with playing video games. As most adults might need to
work
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 for a long time, they might prefer some leisure events after
work
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.
As a result
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, doing sports on purpose might be too big for them, doing sports while playing games might be more attractive when it comes to relax.
As a result
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, the might intend to
work
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 out everyday subconsciously, which can help them to
exercise
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 regularly in a more effective
way
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. In conclusion, watching big events might only attractive people to sports, cannot make sure people to
exercise
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 regularly, while some video games might help people to get more interest in workout and play it more often, I assert that watching big events might not be the best
way
Use synonyms
 to encourage people to keep fit regularly, in order to promote sports, we might try to think of other ways which can be more relaxing for adults.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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