Some people believe, it is important to spend more time developing a successful career, while others believe it is important to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends

Nowadays, the amount of people spends

time

on working is very huge. Especially, they do not care their families, kids and their friends. I think

Accept space

this

might be a disaster of society.

Firstly

, the demand of making moneys is a lot, it addicted everyone to waste

time

instead

of hanging out and have fun with their family. May be making moneys is the best methods to live, but can we live without non emotional

Accept space

Sad that the governments do not have any policy to reduce

this

. So everyone must have their awareness in how important it effects

Suggestion

our life. With me, I tend to agree with some people who have a look to their family and friends, we are not the robots, we

working

Suggestion

are working

work

but we have to spend

time

to do more important things. Actually, I am a hard-working person, I do may things to consolidate my position in life, but

also

I never forget my families, I always have fun with them if I have free

time

. Hopefully, everyone will know

this

like me, and fix it to yourself.

Submitted by tkmjt2 on Sat Jan 04 2020

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

182 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe, it is important to spend more time developing a successful career, while others believe it is important to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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