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Band 4

Some people think that the development of technology has made our life more complex, and the solution is to live a simpler life without technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #development #technology #life
Presently, with the advancements in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
people
 are showing interest
to
Change preposition
in working
show examples
work
 even on holidays. So, certain
people
 opine that
technology
 plays a major role in making their
lives
 more tedious. Indeed, the best way to counter these problems
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 experience their
lives
 by completely eliminating
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. I agree with
this
 viewpoint and suggest my opinion.
Firstly
, the computer plays a major role in every person's life,
while
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 most of them cannot imagine their
lives
 without it. These devices help them to complete their
work
 easily, but they are causing a lot of damage to their personal
lives
.
A research
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Research
show examples
 stated
90
Correct word choice
that 90
show examples
% of the
people
, who were working as software professionals, got divorced because they were not good at managing their social
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Secondly
, mobile phones
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 another
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
 that
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
a
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apply
show examples
huge damage to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health.
Besides
, these devices are considered
as
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apply
show examples
the most addictive tools in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
show examples
 gadgets.
For instance
, the majority of the
work
 in the 20th century
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 completed by using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phones.
On the other hand
, with the improvements in
technology
people
 were able to finish their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 within the deadline, but they were not able to improve social communication in society. Though these
people
 earn
a
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apply
show examples
plenty of money and stature in their life,
but
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apply
show examples
they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 not willing to establish new connections in society and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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work
 for the welfare of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 surroundings. In conclusion,
technology
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 helped a lot in improving public
lives
, but
people
 started focusing only on earning money and other activities.
In addition
, the public should start working for the welfare of society and establish a good relationship with their neighbours.
Submitted by 151fa04164 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas in a more coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more focused and present a clear position on the topic.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas relevant to the topic.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Information overload
  • Social media
  • Decision fatigue
  • Paradox of choice
  • Efficiency
  • Healthcare advancements
  • Quality of life
  • Global connectivity
  • Digital divide
  • Selective usage
  • Unnecessary complexity
  • Simpler lifestyle
  • Integrate
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