IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is believed that young people are more interested in international pop singers and movie stars then in history and historical people.why is this?

#people #pop #singers #movie #stars #history
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is an undeniable fact that, people consider
history
Use synonyms
 a boring
subject some people
Suggestion
subject, some people
 believe that youngsters have huge knowledge about international pop and movie stars. While, they do not know about the famous people from
history
Use synonyms
 of their Nation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons and solution of
this
Linking Words
 issue. To
comments
Suggestion
comment
 with, their number of reasons by which people do not know about their famous people of
history
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, reason is the lack of
interest
Use synonyms
.
young
(used of living things especially persons) in an early period of life or development or growth
Young
 people do not have
Use synonyms
interest
Suggestion
an interest
 in the
history
Use synonyms
 because they did not know the value of
contribution
Suggestion
the contribution
a contribution
contributions
 of those people in building of
nation
Suggestion
a nation
the nation
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there
are
Suggestion
is
lack
Suggestion
a lack
the lack
 of sources which can provide knowledge to
youth
Use synonyms
 on
interesting way
Suggestion
the interesting way
 about the
history
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Finally due
Accept comma addition
Finally, due
 to the rat race of money parents are not forwarding the knowledge of
history
Use synonyms
 to their offsprings.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
number
Suggestion
a number
 of solutions are there which may help to enhance the understanding of
youth
Use synonyms
 towards the famous
Use synonyms
history
Suggestion
historical
 people. Most of the
youth
Use synonyms
 like to watch movies, so
producers
Suggestion
the producers
 of movies should make movies on biography of freedom fighters that help to
growth
Suggestion
grow
 the information of
youth
Use synonyms
 about
history
Use synonyms
 with
interest
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Further more parents
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, parents
Furthermore parents
 should tell their children about contribution of freedom fighters to make Nation independent, which
increase
Suggestion
increases
 the value of famous historical figures in their mind. To conclude,
history
Use synonyms
 is the backbone of
nation
Suggestion
the nation
a nation
 so
youth
Use synonyms
 should know about the
history
Use synonyms
 and government as well as parents
do
engage in
make
 efforts to build up
interest
Use synonyms
 of
youth
Use synonyms
 towards the
history
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by gursewaksinghgrewal90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: