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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #children #citizens #workers #individuals
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Schools and other educational places have been developing rapidly and the amount of them has increased significantly. Many people still think that to attend schools is the only way to educate society and other alternatives are usually argued.
Personaly
Suggestion
Personally
, I believe that schools cannot help a child to become an individual, but tends to encourage to be good
workeds
a person who works at a specific occupation
workers
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, students suppose to follow many rules, which didn't prove their efficiency much.
For instance
Linking Words
, grades are awarded, which make pupils
to feel
Suggestion
feel
 helpless and depressed. In my opinion, it's not a
nesscesity
the condition of being essential or indispensable
necessity
, because
this
Linking Words
 approach doesn't encourage to improve. Children who are already marked as bad ones, would feel hopeless, though they would have been grate students in the end.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a child at school doesn't have a right to decide, which
descrease
decrease in size, extent, or range
decreases
 chances for him to become a responsible person in the future. Usually school timetables are established and are hard to change, and
tge
definite article
the
 only option is to obey the system. A person
leanrs
gain knowledge or skills
learns
 only how to live in a strict system of rules, and due to that
problems
Suggestion
problem
 with time
managment
the act of managing something
management
 could
occure
come to pass
occur
occurred
 during adult times. Overall, an individual should not be a caged bird, because it will omit his creativity. In
concusion
a position or opinion or judgment reached after consideration
conclusion
, systems in general create
bad environment
Suggestion
a bad environment
 for independent people to
occure
come to pass
occur
. Schools with their tendency to rule children are a great example of
such
Linking Words
 an approach.
Submitted by nika.sokolova.16 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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