Some people believe that entertainment such as film star pop musicians or sports star are paid to much money Do you agree or disagree? Which other type of jobs should be highly paid.?

#people #entertainment #film #star #pop #musicians #sports #money #type #jobs

It is believed by some people that human beings who work in the entertainment industry

such

as movie

star prominent

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star, prominent

singer and

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singer, and

sports personality are being overpaid while I see potential in the given saying that they are paid out of their capability, I will describe other occupation that should receive higher salaries. One convincing reason why I feel the wages are being paid to different celebrity is that the entertainer's income does not reflect the amount of word they do.

This

is clear from the evidence that a talk movie star like Rock can easily make 1 million dollars by acting in a

film whereas

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film, whereas

this

amount may never be reached by many people during their life no matter how hard-working they are.

In addition

, if base a person's

income according

Accept comma addition

income, according

to their as per their relative contribution to society the income of entertainers seem too high

this

is because entertainment is not as imperative as other fields are

such

as science and technology,

therefore

, being hips of money to entertainers or famous sports players seems illogical. There are other provisions that are worthy to be paid for their more specifically, people who make a big contribution to mankind ought to be rewarded

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more, for

for

instance since

Accept comma addition

instance, since

doctors can save lives and give people hope, they should receive a hefty amount to reflect the invaluable sport hereunder to a nation. Another type of occupation desire to receive

handsome salary

Suggestion

a handsome salary

handsome salaries

is that who bear up large responsibility

such

as teacher, who is responsible for producing nation-builder importing by best academic knowledge. In conclusion, as entertainers do not offer anything greater than other people working in other industries overpaying them sounds

unfair so

Accept comma addition

unfair, so

, I assert that hard-working people should be rewarded appropriately with a lot of financial assets every month.

Submitted by onkar3559 on Tue Jan 07 2020

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

299 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that entertainment such as film star pop musicians or sports star are paid to much money Do you agree or disagree? Which other type of jobs should be highly paid.?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The Impact of Technology on Traditional Industries

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in the history of the house or the building they live in what are the reason for this? how can they research this?

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

More and more people today are buying and driving cars which has a positive impact for the economy but can hurt the environment. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

In many countries, people decide to have children at a later age than in the past. Why? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.