IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and society?

#people #countries #effect #society
It has been observed that people in numerous nations are sleeping less than they used to in the past. Addiction to mobile phones is a vital reason behind
this
 issue. It has impacted 
humans
Suggestion
human
humans'
 health, and
society
 has
also
 become aggressive than before. The introduction of portable devices and social networking sites
has deteriorated
Suggestion
have deteriorated
 the sleeping hours of a person. It has been observed that if a person is going to sleep, he tends to spend a couple of hours of his rest time on Facebook or Whatsapp in most developed or developing countries. According to a recent survey of BBC, youngsters spend more than 8 hours of their day in updating their status on social media or in checking others' social accounts.
Consequently
, they sacrifice their sleep hours. If
this
 tendency will hold for a couple of decades in the younger generation their future will be affected harshly. As people are deducting their nap hours, it has detrimental effects on their mental health. Creativity among the masses has decreased to the lowest level in the past couple of years because they aren't taking adequate sleep which a human body requires to work efficiently. The paucity of sleep is
also
 making them
short-tempered which
Accept comma addition
short-tempered, which
 is disastrous for
society
. People with fewer rest hours found themselves in an altercation over a minor issue. These changes are making the community intolerable. Its the liability of every individual to take proper rest to have a healthy body and for a productive
society
. To conclude, with the above-discussed 
points it's
Accept comma addition
points, it's
 evident that excessive use of electronic devices and social network channels are the main causes of the reduced sleep hours of a person. It has affected the mental health of an individual and has
increase
Suggestion
increased
 intolerance in
society
.
Submitted by atul.axe on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: