IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time
It is true that children are having many options to use their spare
time
 during the blooming of new technologies.
Although
this
 trend has some positive effects, I strongly believe that the drawback is more significant. On the one hand, no one can argue the benefits of technology to children in today’s world.
Firstly
, technology can create a great source of entertainment. School children are usually under academic pressures. Their parents expect them to do well at school and gain achievements in their lives, so they usually have to attend extra classes, which can drain them of energy.
Hence
, technologies
such
 as internet or mobile phone can help them temporarily escape the tedium of schoolwork.
Secondly
, spending
time
 on technologies is a safe way for children to spend their free
time
. They can avoid dangers that lurk around
such
 as kidnapping or accidents.
In addition
, when they play at home, their parents will find it easier to control what they are approaching. Despite the positive effects mentioned above, I believe that they are negated by the following problems.
Firstly
, the excessive exposure to screen increases the risk of health problems. Spending hours one end glued to
screen
Suggestion
the screen
 makes children more vulnerable to health problems
such
 as blurred vision and obesity.
Instead
 of going outside and do some physical activity they tend to opt for playing video games at home.
Secondly
, the lure of technology is likely to make children
underperform
 at school. Lingering images of games or TV shows may prevent them from paying attention to
lessons
Suggestion
the lessons
.
Therefore
, they
have satisfying
Suggestion
have been satisfying
are satisfying
have satisfied
were satisfied
 scores at school, which makes them more stress. In conclusion, while there are some advantages of children spending
time
 on advanced technologies, it seems to me that the disadvantages are more significant.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Cyberbullying
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Inappropriate content
  • Self-learning
  • Screen time
  • Social inequality
  • Enhanced communication
  • Creative expression
  • Educational resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: