IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer

#obesity #countries #support
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By having a close look at the history
,
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,
it is obvious that there has been a significant upsurge in fast
food
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 consumers especially in developed countries.
Although
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,
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,
fast
food
Use synonyms
 is accompanied by numerous drawbacks
,
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,
the most crucial one is
obesity which
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obesity, which
 is ought to be diminished.
To begin
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 with
,
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,
fast
food
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 is incredibly popular in wealthy countries owing to the profitable income they obtain.To shed light upon the issue
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the minimum wage in Canada is 25$ per hour while eating fast
food
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 twice a day will cost approximately 800$ per month.
Therefore
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,
a person's average income is nearly 7 times larger than the budget for
food
Use synonyms
 per month. Despite the fact that
obesity is on of
Suggestion
obesity is on
 the
severity
Suggestion
severe
severest
 problems
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,
there are tremendous ways in which wealthy countries could make adequate alternations.
Firstly
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,
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,
they can put taxes
on on fast
Suggestion
on fast food
food
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 in terms of eliminating the consumption of these unhealthy foods.
Moreover
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,
public exercise could be sufficient.
For instance
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,
companies could put pressure on employees to take
break
Suggestion
breaks
 and
workout
Suggestion
work out
 10 minutes during working hours.
Last
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 but not least that modules which inform teenagers about healthy
dietary
Suggestion
diet
 is a long-term ample method. To draw a conclusion
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in spite the fact that prevention of fast
food
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 consumption is an impossible action
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,
in my point of view
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providing that the above steps are taken
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the situation will surely improve in coming years.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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