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Band 4

Some people believe that elderly parents ought to live at senior homes. Other believe that they should live with family members. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #homes #members
Many individuals
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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belief
Replace the word
believe
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that seniors should
be stayed
Wrong verb form
stay
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 at old age homes,
while
 others,
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
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 the notion that living with family members in those later years is apt for them. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 that love and affection are
most
Rephrase
more
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 vital factors for senior citizens than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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professional care. In
this
 essay, I would argue
for
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 seniors should spend
this
 crucial tenure at home only. On the one hand, challenging physical circumstances
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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dedicated 24/7 professional support. At
this
 age, the physical condition of the body
gets
Verb problem
is
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 deteriorating,
where
Correct word choice
and
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 it needs someone to
be taken
Wrong verb form
take
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 care, always with professional assistance to cater the emergencies, if they occur.
For instance
, a report published by the NHS, states that, if on-time first aid treatment
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Oxygen
Nebultization
Correct your spelling
nebutization
would have
Wrong verb form
had
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 been provided in these emergency conditions, 30% of the lives might
be
Wrong verb form
have been
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 saved in
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 5 years. On the flip side, to overcome
such
 challenging physical circumstances, more prone to occur at
this
 stage, the psychological support part plays a vital role too or
even
Add a missing verb
is even
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 more effective than professional care.
Moreover
, homely environment, in the company of kids and
adults
Fix the agreement mistake
adult
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of
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apply
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family members, they tend to forget their misery during those moments. The cherishing moments spent with them
,
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apply
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 eventually
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 a bigger role in health improvement, which might sometimes could not be cured with medicines or professional assistance at old age homes.
To sum up
, I conclude that professional help is of great significance for elderly people, but it is the psychological support from their near and dear ones, which is very helpful for the betterment of their help, who might already have gone through the long medication process, but could not achieve the best of results for them.
Submitted by rk00604469 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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