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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is commonly believed that nowadays the main factors that affect a child’s development are media, pop culture, and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the modern world, it is undeniable that
children
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 are influenced by many external factors as they grow up.
While
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 some people believe that
media
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, pop culture, and
friends
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 have become the main
influences
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 on a child’s development, others argue that family continues to play the most significant role. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Those who believe that
media
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, popular culture, and
friends
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 are the dominant
influences
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 provide several reasons to justify their view. One of the most obvious reasons is that
children
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 today are constantly exposed to digital
media
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 and social networks. To illustrate, television, online videos, and social
media
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 platforms shape
children
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’s attitudes, behaviour, and even language from a very young age.
For instance
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, peer pressure and trends promoted by influencers may affect how
children
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 dress, behave, or define success.
In addition
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, as
children
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 spend more time at school and online,
friends
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 often become a major source of emotional support and social identity, sometimes having a stronger impact than adults.
On the other hand
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, those who believe that family plays the most important role
also
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 have strong arguments that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that parents and family members provide the foundation for a child’s values, behaviour, and emotional stability. To clarify, family
influences
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children
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 from birth by teaching them moral principles, discipline, and social skills.
For example
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,
children
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 raised in supportive and stable households are more likely to develop confidence, empathy, and resilience, regardless of external
influences
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.
Furthermore
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, families guide
children
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 in how to respond to
media
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 and peer pressure, helping them make responsible choices. To recapitulate, it is evident that
media
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, pop culture, and
friends
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 have a growing influence on
children
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’s development,
while
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 family continues to shape their core values and character. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that
although
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 external
influences
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 are powerful, family remains the most significant factor. A strong family environment can help
children
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 navigate modern
influences
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 in a healthy and balanced way.

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tone
Use a stronger opening and end with a clear view. Be more direct in the first and last lines.
content
Give more full reason for each point and add a few more strong real life examples.
structure
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence and keep each idea tight to that sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with simple joins every time you move to a new point, not only in the middle of a paragraph.
organization
Clear plan with intro, two body parts and a short conclusion.
content
Balanced view with a clear final choice.
coherence devices
Good use of link words like 'on the other hand' and 'for example'.
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