Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

#students #school #money

In the modern world, many teenagers

leaving

Wrong verb form

leave

show examples

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

without a proper understanding of money management, which

detrimental

Add a missing verb

is detrimental

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to modern society. Every individual

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

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to secure their finances in order to provide

their

Change preposition

for their

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family and ensure a better life. There are many prompt reasons for

this

matter. In

this

essay, I elaborate on

this

issue and how to avoid serious consequences. Nowadays, one main reason is children are wasting cash to have numerous unnecessary goods and services, even

they

Correct word choice

if they

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don't have a proper income,

due to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

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of knowledge regarding the value of wealth,

in addition

until they live under their parents, the younger generation will not be able to learn how to face financial crises in the future,

as a result

of that, those individuals may face serious consequences.

Although

Correct word choice

However

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, I believe modern education does not support teaching students, how

making

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to make

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an investment or

regarding preserving

Wrong verb form

preserve

show examples

money

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

without proper direction.

For instance

, many children use to allocate funds on mobile phones,

cameras

Correct word choice

and cameras

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, which

Unnecessary verb

apply

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deprecate value in a short period.

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

I believe, it is time has come to change the modern education system by modifying

syllabus

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syllabi

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and school in order to provide better knowledge and understand financial areas and future investment to become a successful life.

Also

, the involvement of parents is crucial to control children's behaviour on spending by motivating

Change preposition

apply

show examples

investment or saving.

For example

, investing in education will support to have a better career path.

To conclude

teacher's

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teachers'

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and

parent's

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parents'

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involvement is important to save the younger generation from the financial crisis,

also

government

requires

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is required

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to make changes in the guidance system in order to generate people who

responsible

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are responsible

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for a stable financial background.

Mon Jan 13 2020

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Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas more coherently. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively present the main points of the essay.

Task Achievement

The response partially addresses the task but lacks depth and clarity. Expand on the reasons and solutions for the issue of students leaving high school without learning money management.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

Fully explain your ideas

As smoking is banned at public places , some people say that this rule should also be imposed on mobile phones. What extent do you agree or disagree.

The advantages brought by the spread of English as a global language will outweigh the disdavantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the view

Many people believe that a person’s culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that it has only minor influence. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.