IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In education and employment, some people work hard than others. Why do some people work hard? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

#education #employment #people #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that some people
work
Use synonyms
 hard while others prefer not to push themselves beyond a certain limit. There are various reasons for these different attitudes to
work
Use synonyms
. In my view, passion for one’s
work
Use synonyms
 is a desirable quality in an employee, but too much hard
work
Use synonyms
 can be
counter-productive
tending to hinder the achievement of a goal
counterproductive
 and unhealthy. There are three main reasons which encourage people to
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
First
Linking Words
, some people
work
Use synonyms
 extra shifts to earn more money. They believe that with the extra income earned, they can buy comforts for themselves and for their families.
Second
Linking Words
, newly employed people
work
Use synonyms
 for long hours to reach the targets set by the employer in order to secure their job. They fear that their employer will replace them with more competent people, if they fail to reach the target.
Finally
Linking Words
, there are people who are very passionate about their career and
work
Use synonyms
. They
work
Use synonyms
 mindless
of
Suggestion
on
 the passing of time or their family commitments to achieve their career goals and earn higher social status.
However
Linking Words
, people who
work
Use synonyms
 hard usually face serious problems
at
Suggestion
in
 the workplace and at home.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people doing long shifts are more likely to commit mistakes due to
work
Use synonyms
 pressure.
As a result
Linking Words
, they make
huge loss
Suggestion
a huge loss
huge losses
 to the company which they
work
Use synonyms
 for and lose
job
Suggestion
jobs
.
Also
Linking Words
, sometimes due to
over load
become overloaded
overload
 of
work
Use synonyms
 and odd working hours, people do not give time to their family.
Consequently
Linking Words
, arguments may arise between
partners creating
Suggestion
partners in creating
 trouble in their relationship.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many studies have shown that there is an increase in the number of people suffering from stress disorder and other neurological illnesses due to
extensive
Suggestion
extended
 working hours. To conclude, it is evident that hard
work
Use synonyms
 allows people to achieve their career goals and earn more money.
However
Linking Words
, working
hard neglecting
Accept comma addition
hard, neglecting
 one’s health and family is never a risk worth taking.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: