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Band 4

A dramatic trend in many developed nations is the ageing of the population, with the growing number of people older than retirement age. This situation can lead to problems affecting the whole community. Outline the cause and effects of this issue and offer possible solutions.

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The gradual increase of
old
Suggestion
the older
population
 in developed countries is really alarming.
This
 will lead to a variety of negative impacts on their people and
society
 that measures need to be introduced immediately to tackle
this
 problem. In our modern
society
, many developed countries are dealing with burdens from their ageing populations. More people age, more working
population
 decreases. It is
clearly
Suggestion
clear
 to see that the proportion between young adults and retired people is declining considerably.
Therefore
, governments must spend more budgets for pension whereas young adults must spend much more time and money in order to look after their old relatives.
Furthermore
, the demand for medical services of
this
population
increases which
Suggestion
increase, which
increase which
 may affect to the budgets for other age groups. Many solutions should be taken to solve these problems. In developed countries, governments, with the help of excellent medical systems, can rise the retired
ages so
Accept comma addition
ages, so
 they still both have their contribution with many precious experiences and take
the big
Suggestion
bigger
the biggest
 burden on the pension budget away.
Besides
, young adults should be encouraged to give more births to create a younger
population
. The governments should loosen the immigration policies to attract many more young
adults
Suggestion
adult
population
Suggestion
populations
. These measures are hoped to provide a younger
population
for
Suggestion
of
 the
society
 to keep balance with the ageing
population
. In conclusion, the augmentation of average life expectancy in developed countries is creating some problems. The governments should have immediate and appropriate measures to increase the younger
population
 in order to keep balance
for
Suggestion
in
 the
society
.
Submitted by sandrobo on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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