some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children,while others think that it is the fault of the parents

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Introduction

Many are of the opinion that the governing body of a state is liable for the increase of obesity among children; while others,

however

Linking Words

, claim that only parents are responsible for

this

Linking Words

. From my point of view,

refers to the speaker or writer

strongly agree that

gurdian

a person who cares for persons or property

guardian

guardians

garden

of the children is mainly accountable for

this

Linking Words

issue.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

Linking Words

with, today's children's are the future of the nation. Parents should ensure their children's healthy life.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they should be conscious about nutritive

food

Use synonyms

. But it is a matter of great regret that most of the parents are not aware of the

food

Use synonyms

nutrition. As a consequence, their breed's are suffering from fatness. To illustrate

this

Linking Words

, a recent study

counducted

direct the course of; manage or control

conducted

by the World Health Organization (WHO) has shown that 65% of Swedish children's parents are not aware of the

food

Use synonyms

value. It not only makes their son's

fat but

Accept comma addition

fat, but

also

Linking Words

ruin their life. They

neitheir enjoy

Suggestion

have never enjoyed

never enjoy

good health nor live peace in the world.

Suggestion

another study conducted by the

Food

Use synonyms

Organization showed that the BMI

(

Accept space

(

Body Mass Index) rate of the

chidren's

a young person of either sex

children

are

Suggestion

above 95% which is considered as overweight.

Body paragraph 2

In contrast

Linking Words

, the authorities of developed nations are contributing foods or money to the adolescent. The state ruler of Bangladesh

Linking Words

also take

Suggestion

also takes

has also taken

certain effective steps to provide healthy foods to the school going children's, so that they can get the proper meal. The other state rulers

are

Accept comma addition

are, also

also

Linking Words

providing healthy foods

Suggestion

for

the poor children

;

Accept space

;

namely milk, nuts, fruits, fish, eggs and so on.

Conclusion

To sum up, since parents are bringing up their

chaildren's

a young person of either sex

children

, they should meet up their children's

food

Use synonyms

demand. If they can't, they will must suffer from different health problems

such

Linking Words

as fatness,

weekness

a flaw or weak point

weakness

, eye problems and so on.

nayamafarjan98

Jan 16, 2020

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

5.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
government policies
food industry
sugary foods
dietary habits
marketing strategies
advertisements
physical activity
childhood obesity
socioeconomic factors
healthy lifestyles
education campaigns
nutrition
food choices
healthy examples

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