IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In Australia, children are becoming obese. Schools responsibility are to take care children health and exercise time. to what extent do you agree or disagree??

#australia #children #schools #responsibility #care #health #exercise #time
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it
Suggestion
It
 is an irrefutable fact that children are becoming
victim
Suggestion
victims
a victim
the victim
 of obese all around the
world
Use synonyms
, particularly in Australia.
some
Suggestion
Some
 people believe that it is the duty of the educational institutions to keep youngsters fit and making them exercise regularly.
Linking Words
however
Suggestion
However
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 believe that both school and family are responsible for engaging children in physical activities in order to keep them healthy.
the
Suggestion
The
 following paragraphs will discuss the duties of the
eduction
the activities of educating or instructing; activities that impart knowledge or skill
education
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 and the family respectively.
undoubtedly
Suggestion
Undoubtedly
, teenagers spend one-
third
Linking Words
 of their day in school and it is mandatory for them to engage themselves in physical activity.
the
Suggestion
The
 authority of the institution can help in doing that by having an hour of workout period
everyday
Suggestion
every day
 in the schedule.
Linking Words
this
Suggestion
This
 will make kids explore the natural
world
Use synonyms
 as well as playing sports which will help them to maintain themselves,
hence
Linking Words
, increases their stamina.
Linking Words
on
Suggestion
On
 the other hand, family plays
crucial role
Suggestion
a crucial role
 as it is the family who can
motivates
Suggestion
motivate
 and inspire the youth to experience the natural
world
Use synonyms
 rather than just becoming a couch potato.
kids
a young person of either sex
Kids
 are more interested in spending time
inside
Suggestion
in
 the house, engaging themselves in indoor activities and using technological devices which is, in
turen
change orientation or direction, also in the abstract sense
turn
, making them fat.
at
Suggestion
At
this
Linking Words
 time, the parents can engage themselves in physical activities to encourage their kid to become more active by participating in activities
such
Linking Words
 as cycling, jogging, playing outdoor games.
on
Suggestion
On
 the whole,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 believe that it is a shame watching
future
Suggestion
the future
 of the
world
Use synonyms
 gaining weight and becoming lazy.
in
Suggestion
In
 my opinion, academic institutions and
family both
Accept comma addition
family, both
 should know their duty towards the youth and help the students in engaging themselves
into
Suggestion
in
 the outer
world
Use synonyms
, becoming more healthy and fit.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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