In Australia, children are becoming obese. Schools responsibility are to take care children health and exercise time. to what extent do you agree or disagree??

#australia #children #schools #responsibility #care #health #exercise #time

Suggestion

is an irrefutable fact that children are becoming

victim

Suggestion

victims

a victim

the victim

of obese all around the

world

, particularly in Australia.

some

Suggestion

Some

people believe that it is the duty of the educational institutions to keep youngsters fit and making them exercise regularly.

however

Suggestion

However

refers to the speaker or writer

believe that both school and family are responsible for engaging children in physical activities in order to keep them healthy.

the

Suggestion

The

following paragraphs will discuss the duties of the

eduction

the activities of educating or instructing; activities that impart knowledge or skill

education

center

an area that is approximately central within some larger region

centre

and the family respectively.

undoubtedly

Suggestion

Undoubtedly

, teenagers spend one-

third

of their day in school and it is mandatory for them to engage themselves in physical activity.

the

Suggestion

The

authority of the institution can help in doing that by having an hour of workout period

everyday

Suggestion

every day

in the schedule.

this

Suggestion

This

will make kids explore the natural

world

as well as playing sports which will help them to maintain themselves,

hence

, increases their stamina.

Suggestion

the other hand, family plays

crucial role

Suggestion

a crucial role

as it is the family who can

motivates

Suggestion

motivate

and inspire the youth to experience the natural

world

rather than just becoming a couch potato.

kids

a young person of either sex

Kids

are more interested in spending time

inside

Suggestion

the house, engaging themselves in indoor activities and using technological devices which is, in

turen

change orientation or direction, also in the abstract sense

turn

, making them fat.

Suggestion

this

time, the parents can engage themselves in physical activities to encourage their kid to become more active by participating in activities

such

as cycling, jogging, playing outdoor games.

Suggestion

the whole,

refers to the speaker or writer

believe that it is a shame watching

future

Suggestion

the future

of the

world

gaining weight and becoming lazy.

Suggestion

my opinion, academic institutions and

family both

Accept comma addition

family, both

should know their duty towards the youth and help the students in engaging themselves

into

Suggestion

the outer

world

, becoming more healthy and fit.

Fri Jan 17 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children? (Band 8,5)
These days,It is becoming more and more popular for people to have computers in their house.Moreover,there is no doubt that children are so keen on palying with video games.Clearly,there are a considerable number of advantages and disadvantages for having computers and palying games with them for children.In this essay,I will address some benefits and drawbacks of using computer games for kids.
6
band
Some claim history is one of the most important school subjects. Others assume that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.
Some claim history is one of the most important school subjects. Others assume that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.
5.5
band
In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
These days, we can see different areas have various cultures owing to the fact that climate, land, and so on have an effect on costumes. For instance, some of them teach children the thing that is really crucial to attending things that you want is that working hard. While these kinds of massages have benefits, I still believe that they cannot overshadow the drawbacks.
6.5
band
In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and there is a lack of a sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?
These days, indifference about their neighbours in the city centre is one of the critical issues all over the world. To improve our socialise, we have to solve this problem together. This essay will attempt to identify problems and propose some applicable solutions to redress this matter.
<4
band
Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline is the responsibility of teachers, while other think it is role of parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion.
An increasing problem, discipline, has been shown in modern schools. Discipline has play an important role in student's learning. This eassy is to discuss the responsibility of teachers and parents of the teaching of discipline.

In Australia, children are becoming obese. Schools responsibility are to take care children health and exercise time. to what extent do you agree or disagree??

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children? (Band 8,5)

Some claim history is one of the most important school subjects. Others assume that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.

In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and there is a lack of a sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline is the responsibility of teachers, while other think it is role of parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion.